i-lund living

House of Card Sharks

2012-01-28T00:04:00.000-07:00

When we were little girls, my sister, Jennilyn, and I played together for hours on end. All day. Every day.

We played house, school, Primary, Barbies. We really liked to pretend.

We also loved games. We played Sorry, Hi-Ho Cherry-O, Old Maid (that's a story for another day), and Candyland, among numerous others.

But we also wanted to play the Big Kid Games. You, know, the games that parents played. Our Mom and Dad had Backgammon, Thinking Man's Football (yes...that's a real game), chess, and a bunch of others which I'm sure had names but I never really learned.

Like I said, we loved games.

So, when we were sick or home during summer vacation, we loved to watch game shows. And, I'll admit, I still like to watch some game shows that are on TV now.

It goes without saying that somehow we would be able to combine the best of both worlds...playing "Pretend," playing games, and game shows. I guess that's more than "both" and should be "all."

When I was about 8, we figured out the perfect way to play Wheel of Fortune. Keep in mind that this was the pre-Pat-Sajak-and-Vanna-White days. It was back when Chuck Woolery hosted and Susan Stafford was the letter-turner. (Thank you, Wikipedia!).

We went into the "kids'" bathroom that had a wall of cabinets with four or five doors. One of us played the contestant and the other played Susan Stafford. "Susan" stood at one side of the cabinets and thought of a four or five lettered word...we were, afterall pretty young and could only spell a few words longer than that anyway. The contestant called letters to guess the word and Susan would elegantly glide from one side of the cabinets to the other and "turn" the letter over. In reality, she opened the cabinet door as she walked by. Of course, since neither of us dreamed of writing on the cabinet doors (for real...we were really good kids and never even tried to damage the house or furniture) and we were only 6 and 8, the contestant could never really figure out the word Susan as thinking of. Plus, it got boring really fast.

We decided there had to be another game show that would better translate to the real world.

And then we figured out a way to even include one of our parents' "Adult" games in the mix...Card Sharks!

Now, don't be crazy and think my parents had real, live face cards. Nooooo. We only had Rook cards. And not just one set, but two. And I don't think anyone even knew how to play Rook. And I'm pretty sure no one in my family has learned.

But they were perfect for Card Sharks.

Again, one of us played the contestant and the other played the host (Wikipedia isn't as helpful with this one). The host asked the contestant a question like, "We asked 100 teachers, how many of you have caught a student cheating?" The host always made up the questions on the fly and since we were kids that lacked the reasoning skills that most adults possess, the answer would usually be something like 47.

I don't remember any of the questions or answers I came up with, but I certainly remember one that Jennilyn asked me:

We asked 100 married men, How many of you were bachelors before you got married?

I was oh-so-excited since I knew the answer to that one without even thinking...it was definitely 100!

Jennilyn, however, disagreed.

An argument ensued.

I insisted that all men were bachelors before they were married.

Jennilyn emphatically said no.

I told her that even Dad had been a bachelor before he married Mom.

She became rather disgusted and indignant.

We got Mom involved in the disagreement who sided with me.

I think Jennilyn started crying.

Come to find out, she thought a bachelor was a bad thing. I'm guessing sort of like a six-year old's version of a gigolo.

Who knew that 30-something years later a bachelor would, in fact, be a gigolo?

Call Me

2011-11-19T22:56:00.001-07:00

In case you don't know too much about me, I'm what you could consider a night owl. I love nights and hate mornings. In fact, please don't tell me "Good Morning!" because I will probably tell you there isn't anything good about mornings. But given the fact that you will likely never have the opportunity to even greet me at all in the morning, rest assured, you should have no fears of the repercussions associated with such a folly.

So, it really doesn't bother me too much to have someone call me late-ish at night when I'm aware that they are going to call. You know, like we've made plans to talk later, or we've been texting or emailing and need to talk in person. But I'm not real good with unplanned late-night phone calls. Unless I'm not planning on it. Because, let's face it, no one calls after 10 pm with good news.

So, last night at 10:30 when my home phone rang (and yes, I still have a land line. I've been debating disconnecting the thing for years and can't let go of the kitschiness of it all), I was more than a little disturbed.

And then I saw that one of my parents was calling, and became even more concerned.

Darrell likes the idea of late-night phone calls even less than me and had followed me to the home office where one of the land line phones was.

I cautiously answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Steph!" said my mom, sounding very much like her normal self. "I was on Pinterest and checking out my boards. It will only show 9 pins per board and I am wondering how to see the other pins I have on those boards."

I gave Darrell a thumb's up to let him know all was well and asked my mom if she realized it was 10:30.

She started laughing and said, "I've been on the computer all evening and thought it was only 8:00! I'm so sorry! Is Darrell ok? Let him know that we are all okay. I'm so sorry! Oh, that's so funny!"

"Yeah, Mom, it's funny now, but 45 seconds ago, it was a little unsettling! So, here's how to see all the pins on each board...."

So, although it wasn't a matter of life or death, I'm glad I was able to help my mom with her Pinterest emergency. Because there's nothing worse than being unable to figure out one of the most addictive websites in the middle of the night!

File this under "No Thank You"

2011-11-10T01:35:00.003-07:00

Darrell and I were on our sorta-weekly Costco date night this evening. We tend to go just to "check things out" since we don't really have a need for 439 pounds of cheese or a 95-pack of socks.

We tend to go up and down most of the aisles to see what is available...just in case. One never knows when a need for 6 gallons of pickles will come in handy.

We were strolling the home-upgrade aisle...you know the one...it has the fancy-schmancy chandelier, the ceiling fan that looks like it was made for a Fijian mansion, and the faux fireplace so you can have a mantle. Well, this aisle also has the practical upgrades. Like the brushed nickel kitchen faucets, the bamboo flooring, and the rain simulating shower head.

And then I saw this. The item no home is complete without. The toilet seat that combines the convenience of a hands-free flush with an automatic open and close lid. Yes, you heard right. The toilet seat opens as you approach the toilet and closes as you leave. And flushes.On.Its.Own.

But wait! There's more!

Because if you buy the model available at Costco, you also get:

A heated seat. For those cold mornings when you just wish the toilet seat was warmer.
Gentle aerated warm water. For front and rear cleaning. Although I think it's pretty much all rear cleaning.
Massage feature. Just gross!
Warm drying feature. With three-temperature drying.
Automatic air purifier. Thank goodness. Because with all the other things going on, if you can't have purified air, it just isn't worth it.
A convenient remote control. With large LCD panel for easy use.

I thought about adding it to my Christmas wish list.

But decided I'd wait for the portable unit.

My Halloween Costume

2011-10-31T23:40:00.000-07:00

I normally don't dress up for Halloween, but this year I convinced a group of anti-dress-up co-workers to join me in being Angry Birds.

We each chose a color and wore a shirt that coordinated with the bird of our choice.

And then I printed these out and we pinned them on our shirts.

They were originally made to attach to balloons, but they worked as an easy costume, too.

If I get a photo, I'll post it....

And, that, my friends, is 31 posts in 31 days!

Random facts, October edition

2011-10-31T01:10:00.000-07:00

Although I have never read the books or seen the movies, I can't do any of the Twilight saga. I'm not so into the fantasy genre and the actors really are unattractive to me. I know. You can hang me in effigy.

I have good intentions but really poor follow through. I bought my cute niece a Halloween card and stickers at the beginning of the month. I kept thinking that I needed to send them so she would get them, but also thought that if I sent them too soon it would be silly. And so, I will send them to her on Halloween day. Which means she will get them in November. Too late for this year and WAY too early for next year.

I tend to either buy nothing while on vacation or raid the souvenir shops and buy one of each of everything. There is no happy medium.

It took me about 30 seconds to remember the word "souvenir." I'm either tired or suffering from early-onset-dementia.

It took me a little while to remember the word "dementia." I'm really hoping for the tired option.

Last week, neighborhood vandals struck again. This time, we weren't singled out. The vandals (who I think are probably teenaged girls) wrote on all the windows of cars parked outside in the neighborhood Wednesday to Thursday night. No real damage was done, unlike the time our front door was egged, our rear car window was smashed with a rock, or the house was T.P'd (although I don't remember that incident but Darrell tells me it happened). I did end up waking up early and washed the windows of our cars. It was chilly, which I will tell you, I was not used to. I also wasn't used to the morning and may have been grumpy for the rest of the day.

It's altogether possible that I have gift cards older than my niece. She's 6. I somehow think that if I use a gift card that it is wasting the gift card. Because if I use it now, I won't be able to use it later. And what if what I want later is better than what I want now? So, please, don't give me a gift card. Unless you just want to throw your money away. And then if that's what you want to do, just take a picture of you throwing your money away and give that to me.

The really good thing about October...

2011-10-31T00:44:00.004-07:00

is that there are only 31 days!

Can you imagine if there were more?

I am about to die from over-blogging.

I was asked today (hi, Jenni!) why I chose October to blog every day (or at least one posting per day of the month). She told me that if I had been smart, I would have chosen February. When it wasn't a leap year.

She's right. But I often do silly things like over-commit myself.

I think I function best with a small amount of chaos.

Which is why I had 6 posts to write, rice to cook, 2 cakes to bake and ice, 8 halloween costumes to prepare (for my co-workers and I who weren't going to dress up otherwise), a kitchen to prep for tile demolition and installation, dinner to make, and a nap to take, all before going to bed tonight.

I'll be sort of relieved for November. When I don't feel the pressure of anything but Thanksgiving. You know. The day that you eat the food in about 25 minutes that you've cooked for the previous 3 days.

Shout outs

2011-10-31T00:36:00.002-07:00

Hey! Ho! Hay! Hoe!

I feel like Ricki Lake.

Just thought I'd do a few shout outs to people who make my little blog here feel worth it.

Thanks to my mom who reads this thing every day and comments on most days. I know that you do because you like to, even though you also have to.

Thanks to Ginger, for being one of the first and frequent commenters of the month. I was beginning to think no one was reading until you commented.

Thanks to Linda, for also commenting. And for reminding me that literary license is an important part of blogging. I plan to keep it up.

Thanks to Emily, my sister, who also comments on this here blog. Even if she compares me to Mrs. Brady. But since she is a Brady-Bunch-ologist, I'm really not surprised.

A very special thanks goes out to Darrell. Who lets me blog about him without too much complaint. He really is a great guy and my life would be boring without him!

And thanks to all who read this little blog. I'd really like to hear from more of you. And just think...you may get a shout out, too!

How to effectively "do" the state fair

2011-10-31T00:20:00.000-07:00

Friday night, Darrell and I picked my sister, Julie, up from the airport at around 7:30. My friend Kira came with us, too.

We went immediately to the State Fair, since Julie wanted something exciting to do and we wanted to go to the fair.

Now, the State Fairgrounds are not in the best of neighborhoods. And parking is at a premium. But, if you promise not to let everyone else know, I'll let you in on a little secret. You can park at the State Capital building and ride a tour bus to the entrance. For free. Yep. Park for free. Ride for free.

Plus, since you are riding a tour bus, you can pretend you are a Country Music Hall of Fame Star that is arriving at the State Fair to perform. Or you don't have to. I'm just telling you how "I" do things fair-related.

Now, if you aren't the actual musical act performing at the fair, you may just want to wander over to the Coliseum to see who IS performing. Sometimes, it is a former-Disney star. Sometimes, it's the late-80s hip-hop ensemble (which this year included Young M.C.). Sometimes, it's Alice Cooper (which, by the way, is the band I've seen in concert more than any other. I.KNOW! Unbelievable, isn't it?).

And sometimes, it's Bret Michaels. We got there in time to hear the last 3 songs. Only 2 of which I had heard before to my knowledge. He put on a pretty good show for the last 3 songs.

We left the Coliseum and stood outside for a few minutes, soaking up the atmosphere. Including a 70-ish year old woman who thought she was 18. She had a great figure, but she was 70-something. She wore tight lowrider jeans with rhinestone accents on the pockets. She had a shirt that was a few inches too short and showed off her abs. About 4 inches of abs. That were tanned. About the color of a brown crayola. I couldn't take a picture (I need to practice my stealth-mode photo-taking skills--any teachers?), but suffice it to say that I think she thought she could get a date with Bret Michaels.

We next ventured to the food. Oh....the food! I had a corn dog and funnel cake. Julie had a Navajo taco. Kira had a corn dog and mini doughnuts. And Darrell had nothing. (Party pooper or smart man? You decide.)

We then went to judge the youth livestock. Not really. We just went to look at it. But, since it was 9 o'clock, "the man" told us to vacate the livestock area. We saw a few goats, a couple of pigs, and that was pretty much it. Really kind of sad. So, if you want to see animals, remember to go earlier in the day.

We then found our way to the textile arts. We decided that the judges must be super kind or really stupid. The handiworks that looked the worst were the ones that won blue ribbons. The ones that looked like real talent was involved received honorable mentions, at best.

Some of our favorites were the John Deere tractors Christmas ornaments:

This one makes the cut since Julie's former roommate, Trena, has a collection since she and her husband are farmers.

The plastic canvas Nativity scene:

This one is featured since my Mom collects Nativity sets and plastic canvas is tacky. (Although I don't want to have this particular scene and don't like plastic canvas, this was done really well and looked good for the medium chosen. Hence, the lack of a ribbon of any kind.)

We got kicked out of the textile display and saw something that was really exciting:

Yeah. That really is an artificially intelligent electronic computer module installed in a highly advanced, very mobile, robotic automobile: KITT (Knight Industries Two Thousand) aka a 1982 Pontiac Trans Am. If you'd like, you can have my autograph since I saw such a technological wonder with my own two eyes.

Since we weren't going to ride the rides (because, really, they are sort of have pop-up-book assembly), we decided it was time to head home. We boarded the bus, traveled to our car, and headed home.

I can't speak for any of the others, but I will say that a good time was had by all!

And that, my friends, is how to "do" the state fair.

I felt like a Food Network Star

2011-10-30T23:45:00.000-07:00

One of the first people I met when I moved to the Phoenix area was my friend Flicka.

Not really. My friend Kira was, however, one of the first people I met in Phoenix.

Her birthday is fast approaching, which happens to be on November 11th.

Yeah. She gets to have a birthday on 11/11/11.

Pretty fabulous, I tell you. Especially since she is a numbers kinda gal.

So, she has planned a bash which sounds like great fun.

And because her birthday is on such a monumental day, she cannot have just any old cake.

Not even a Costco cake.

I.KNOW! If the day is too good for a Costco cake, you know this will be a serious cake!

And so, since the bakery she chose to get her birthday cake from is really just down the street from me, she invited me to go with her for a cake tasting.

Darrell, incidentally, asked me why she had to do a cake tasting, since those a reserved for events like a debutante ball. I didn't even make that up!

We got to the bakery...Lisa's Rum Cake...a little after 5 pm and they close at 5 pm.

Lisa greeted us at the door and she brought a couple of slices out that Kira wanted to try.

They talked about the size, the way to decorate it, pick-up time. You know. The kind of stuff you would talk about with the baker of your fancy cake.

We got everything settled and then Lisa asked us if we wanted to tour the factory.

DOI! Of course we wanted to tour the factory!

She showed us how they bake the cakes and she decorated one in about 3 minutes that looked better than anything I could have decorated in 3 months.

Lisa introduced us to most of the employees--which are her husband and three daughters (we met all but one of the daughters). They all have a real passion for their work. They said they work until quite late at night and then go back to the shop in the middle of the night to finish things up.

Then Lisa asked us if we knew what a blast chiller was. Kira and I looked at each other with this silly grin on each of our faces and shrieked "YES!" As if she had asked us if we each wanted $100 Million Dollars. A Day.

I asked if I could take photos. And Lisa said yes.

Here is the giant mixer:

Can you see the regular sized Kitchen Aid to the right of the giant mixer? I know it's hard to see, but it sorta gives you a sense of the scale of the giant mixer.

Here is the oven:

You can probably fit eighteen 9x13 pans in this oven. I bet it would come in super handy around the Christmas baking season.

Here is the blast chiller:

Kira is playing The Price is Right model with her hand. After the cakes are baked, they are cooled in the blast chiller before decorating. I want you to know that it was super cold when we opened that blast chiller.

While we were touring the factory, we noticed there were lots of cake scraps in the garbage can. All I can say is that it was a good thing we had samples because I was a little tempted to pull a George Costanza for a minute.

I think Lisa felt sorry for us since she could see that I almost did the unthinkable, so she gave us another sample.

So, the moral of the story is, if you are ever in the market for a cake fancier than Costco's, check out Lisa's Rum Cake. They are delicious cakes baked by a fabulous family!

Mythbusters

2011-10-28T13:00:00.002-07:00

So, I think after posting so many things recently about Darrell, I thought I should come clean and let you know the facts and fictions behind the man.

1-Darrell hates people. This is a myth. He doesn't hate people. He is actually far better with people than I am. He does, however, hate when people waste his time.

2-Darrell hates social situations. This is both a myth and a reality. He hates large social gatherings, but enjoys smaller events. Ward Christmas Party? Hater. Small dinner party with 4 other couples? Lover.

3-Darrell hates kids. Myth. He just isn't sure of what to do or say around them. So he treats them like adults. And they LOVE it and him. But, too many kids at once is overload and he would rather be left alone.

4-Darrell is a curmudgeon. Total fabrication. The stories I tell sound far better if he is a grump, so I take what is called "Poetic License" to help the story. Which makes Darrell come across a little like Oscar the Grouch. Sorry!

5-Darrell is a trivia master. True. He beat me at our game of Trivial Pursuit last Saturday. And he always beats me at the Sirius Radio Surfing Game.

6-Darrell cooks. True. He makes dinner for us most nights that we eat at home. He is a master griller, killer pasta maker, and makes a mean quesadilla! I may need to buy him a chef's hat someday.

So, as I relate stories about Darrell in the future, just remember that there may be more fiction than reality in the personality I portray. Unless I'm saying how great he is, 'cause he really IS pretty terrific!

The Halloween

2011-10-26T23:57:00.000-07:00

Darrell and I are not such big fans of the Halloween.

It should come as no surprise, though, that our not-so-affinity for the holiday is for vastly different reasons.

Darrell dislikes Halloween because of the following:
People dress up in costumes.
People try to interact with him.
People come to our house uninvited.
The people who come to our house uninvited expect him to give them candy.
Sometimes people give him candy, which he is mostly unfond of.
People invite him to parties.
If he goes to the parties (which most of the time he doesn't), people expect him to be dressed in a costume.
If he isn't dressed in a costume (which is anytime he goes to a Halloween party), people ask him where his other brother, Darrell, is.
He doesn't care for pumpkins one bit.
He really doesn't want to eat anything made to look like a pumpkin.
And he most certainly doesn't want to eat anything made with pumpkin.

I dislike Halloween for the following reasons:
People use Halloween as an excuse to dress like skanky 'ho's.
I always figure out the perfect costume the day after Halloween and don't remember any good ones the days leading to Halloween.
It signals the end to Dairy Queen's Pumpkin Pie Blizzard flavor of the month and I realize I didn't eat one every day in October, so I didn't get my Recommended Annual Allotment.
I eat enough chocolate that I gain the weight equivalent of a large 6 year-old.
The teenagers that trick-or-treat at my house really creep me out. Seriously. I only give them candy because I'm afraid of what they will do to me or my house if I don't. But I usually buy some yucky candy (like those grody candies that are wrapped in either black or orange wax paper) to give to the teenagers. This is 100% true. No poetic license used. For.Reals.

So, because Darrell and I have some ill will towards Halloween, these are some of the activities we have done to stay away from the creepy revelers:
Gone to dinner at a fancy restaurant. There is no waiting and the wait staff are generally friendly since we are the only tips they will receive that evening.
Gone to a movie. Especially not a thriller-kind of movie. There is no one in the theater and we can have what ever seats we want. And talk, since there isn't any one to shush us. Except we don't talk because then we would miss the movie.
Gone grocery shopping. As long as you stay out of the candy aisle, you are free to roam about.
Hid in the back of the house with all the lights out and the TV turned down real low. This isn't as much fun since you are basically a prisoner in your own house. Without the ankle bracelet tracker, so it feels even worse since you know you are allowed to leave anytime you want, you just can't.

But then there are the times that we have gotten suckered into doing the Halloween thing.
We don't dress up in a costume.
We give out yucky candy because if we had bought the good stuff we would have eaten it. (Or maybe we did and we ended up having to buy the yucky stuff to prevent ballooning up the weight equivalent of a large 14 year-old. On steroids.)
When we run out of candy, we start giving out left over fast food sauce packets. We tend to have a few.

So, take a guess as to what is on our agenda this coming Monday....

The chicken and the egg

2011-10-25T23:48:00.001-07:00

I've told the story here of the time I tried to buy a 9-or-so-foot Christmas tree at the Costco only to find that it didn't fit in my car, so I had to return it (20 minutes after buying it and trying to stuff it in my car). I ended up getting a gift card with the amount I paid for it so I could go back in the next day or so to pick up the same Christmas tree in a larger vehicle. Only they sold out and I ended up buying a book case instead.

And, as I told you in the original story (linked in the word "here" above), we assembled the bookcase in our office. Which is really just one of the bedrooms in our house.

That is much to small for such a large piece of furniture.

But it's too big to make two 90 degree corners to get out of the room and into the living room.

The only other room I can possibly imagine getting it into is the bathroom directly across the hall from the office. And then that makes the logistics of using that bathroom much too difficult for my brain.

So. Here's the issue.

We are planning on getting new flooring throughout the house in the next couple of months.

Which isn't a moment too soon. You see, early in 2006, the pipe leading from the hot water heater to the kitchen sink sprung a leak in the concrete slab our house sits upon. And we had to replace just about everything in the kitchen.

The cabinets. Countertops. Tons of drywall. Paint.

But not flooring.

For some reason, even though it was damaged, it was not covered by our insurance.

But we intended to replace it, so when we remodeled, we didn't care too much that a few tiles had to be ripped out. Or that the new cabinets occupied a smaller footprint than the old cabinets. And we certainly didn't put down any kind of drop cloth to protect the floor from drywall texturizer or primer or paint. And if we didn't protect it from those things, we certainly didn't clean up the messes left behind.

Because we were getting new flooring.

And yet, here it is. The end of 2011 and we have that same crappy flooring. Believe it or not, we've had other, more important things come up in the five and a half-ish years that the ugly, 6-inch, shiny white with blue striation, fake-marble, with thick light blue grout flooring has been put on the back burner.

We purchased some tile and grout a few months ago and are hoping to have it installed in the next couple of weeks. Maybe even in time for my turn at hosting bookclub. (Fingers crossed)

And, if we are getting new tile, we really also need new carpeting. Because, to be honest, I hate my carpet now and haven't been as diligent in keeping it pretty either. Don't fret. I haven't completed a remodel using it as my drop cloth. (I wish, though)

And so here it is. What the heck am I going to do with the crazy huge bookcase?

Does it go through the window and into the garage? Or does it hang out in the guest bathroom?

Gentle Reader, please help me out and leave a comment with your suggestion. My thanks in advance!

In case the jeweler can't fix my ring...

2011-10-24T23:16:00.000-07:00

I have a back-up plan.

And it includes delivery, so it's a REAL deal.

After all, the price of gas is going up.

I have a little catch-up to do

2011-10-22T23:54:00.000-07:00

Since I committed to posting every day in October and forgot a couple of times, I figure if I post 31 times in October, it's pretty much the same.

So, here is the second posting for today.

Darrell grew up in a Sam's Club family.

I grew up in a Costco family.

They say that mixed marriages are difficult, and I would have to agree.

Because no matter how much I try to understand the Sam's Club lifestyle, it's still Wal-Mart, and I just don't get those types of people.

And Darrell thinks I'm all hoity-toity since I'm a "Costco Snob."

When we started our marriage I had a Costco membership and Darrell had a Sam's Club membership. We each added the other to our respective memberships. I got a really crappy photo on my card (somehow the software squished my face and made me look deformed) and Darrell got an American Express Costco card.

Awhile ago we decided we didn't need two memberships. We had a snack-bar show-down and Costco won.

And so, we have been a Costco family. We go probably 3 out of every 4 weeks. It many times is our "Date Night." We window shop (or sometimes even buy stuff) and grab a bite to eat. We know which nights to go to avoid the largest crowds. We watch with delight as others take home a TV. Employees ask US where items can be found. Yeah. I'm a Costco-ite and have converted Darrell.

Or so I thought.

A couple of weeks ago, he started talking about the glories of Sam's Club. He would just casually mention his friend was at Sam's Club and had bought some thing great that they couldn't find at Costco. He told me he heard Sam's Club offered trial memberships that were about the cost of a trip to a fast-food restaurant. It was subtle, but little by little, he was wearing down my resistance.

And so, today he convinced me we should go...just to see what it's like. He conveniently steered us through all the best parts...the TVs, the samples, the bakery. You know, the places he knew he could get me. And he almost had be convinced that we could be a two-warehouse club family.

Until I saw something I never would see in a Costco.

On a woman who was closer to 300 pounds than the model above is.

Needless to say for Darrell, we left and probably won't be back any time soon.

It's finally feeling like Autumn

2011-10-22T23:19:00.001-07:00

Not that you'd know by our weather, since it's still about 100 degrees.

But tonight I made Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies!

I love all things pumpkin.

Ok. I take that back. I like most dessert things pumpkin.

Pie, roll, bagel, dip, cheesecake, chocolate chip cookies, bread, ice cream. Yep. I love me some pumpkin.

So tonight, since I love you all so much, I thought I'd share the recipe with you.

It's a super guarded family secret, so consider yourselves lucky.

Take one Spice-flavored cake mix. Any one will do, but I could only find it in Betty Crocker's brand.
Add one 15 ounce can of pumpkin puree.
Stir until well combined.
Add about 1 cup of mini chocolate chips.
Drop onto cookie sheet...the cookies don't spread so you can put lots on the cookie sheet without worries.
Bake in an oven preheated to 350* for about 15 minutes. I made a couple more than 36 cookies and 15 minutes seemed to be the magic number.
Remove them from the oven and leave on the baking sheet for a few minutes (I did 15).
Eat them up...it won't be difficult.

Hope you enjoy them. Although they sound super easy, they are good. In fact, just as good as the ones that require all sorts of ingredients.

I know you're jealous of my Friday night....

2011-10-21T23:56:00.001-07:00

Darrell and I played Trivial Pursuit.

And he won.

Although he doesn't believed that there are 70 miles between the highest and lowest points in the 48 contiguous US states.

Fair Fare

2011-10-20T22:24:00.001-07:00

I go to the Arizona State Fair every few years and the thing I look forward to the most is the food, of course.

I love corn dogs.

I love funnel cakes.

I love indian fry bread.

I love navajo tacos.

I love ice cream.

I love chocolate dipped cheesecake.

I love roasted almonds.

I love churros.

I love roasted corn.

I love caramel apples.

I love a lot of the foods at the fair. And usually choose a couple of things to eat.

But I'm not the most adventurous of eaters.

And I don't think that just because I'm at the fair, I should eat deep-fried whatever. (Although, if you notice, most of my favorite fair foods are deep-fried.)

I draw the line at the "latest-and-greatest" foods.

Like the deep-fried butter.

And fried cookie dough.

And buffalo chicken in a flapjack on a stick.

And fried coke. Or kool-aid. Or chocolate milk.

And especially the "delicacy" being served up at this year's fair....the Maggot Melt Sandwich.

And not just because it has a not-so-healthy amount of american cheese which is just plain yucky!

So, what is your favorite fair food? Leave me a comment.

Like my pal Ginger has been doing lately. (Thanks, Ginger!)

Isn't it ironic?

2011-10-19T23:59:00.001-07:00

Do you want to hear something I think is pretty funny?

I'm in a bookclub.

Now, I realize that in and of itself isn't all that humorous. But the fact that I'm not much of a reader makes it pretty ironic.

And it's not that I don't like to read.

It's just that I'm more addicted to watching TV than reading a book.

When I was little and lived in Arkansas, we lived a few miles from the public library. I won't take a guess since I will guess something silly like 10 miles and it will really be something like a half mile.

The library allowed each card holder to check out 10 books at a time.

Each time we went, my mom and each of my siblings would check out 10 books.

I would end up reading all of mine by the time we got home.

And so, perhaps the reason I don't read too much now is that I don't want to read all the books in one sitting.

Because that would be like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

I think I'm in hell!

2011-10-17T00:00:00.002-07:00

Sunday in church the bishop announced that some other wards are being re-organized so our ward has to move time slots. We are moving from 1:00 to 9:00.

IN.THE.MORNING.

Seriously?

And why does our ward that isn't affected by the changes have to switch times?

I told the girls in my Mia Maids class that I would not be jolly at church until we change to a later time.

I think they thought I was joking.

I'm not.

7 years and counting!

2011-10-16T23:49:00.000-07:00

Today, Darrell and I celebrated 7 years of (mostly) happy wedded bliss.

Poor guy. He wasn't feeling particularly well.

Pretty much like our wedding day.

And yet, he smiled. Back then and today.

I love that man!

Thanks for a great 7 years and too many more to count!

We interrupt this blog for an important public service announcement

2011-10-15T14:18:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, I was listening to NPR, which I enjoy doing while driving to and from work. I was listening to All Things Considered...and the story was a re-broadcast of a 2008 story on those pesky Captcha verifications.

Now, although I have that silly word verification on my own blog comments, I don't really like it when I have to do the verifying.

It seems like in the early days of word verifications, the words were much, MUCH harder to read. I remember having to request different words at least once per attempt.

And, after just looking on Wikipedia (which although I wouldn't use a Wikipedia citation for a business document or Master's thesis, for my blog, I think most things are credible enough), modern Captcha is much easier for a human to read and much more difficult for a machine to read. The entire reason Captcha verifications were invented.

So...back to the radio story.

Luis von Ahn is a computer scientist at Carnegie Mellon who developed Captcha. He found it amazing that the human mind could pretty easily perform a task that even super-powerful computers couldn't do. He even said, "Each time you type one of these, your brain is doing something amazing."

However, he also realized that each time you type of these, your brain is doing something wasteful. After all, even though it is amazing, you are wasting precious seconds. Imagine, if you spend a lot of time on the internet, buying tickets, commenting on blogs, setting up a Craigslist posting, you have wasted a couple of minutes a month. Multiply that by all the people worldwide wasting time and you can only guess the time that is wasted.

He estimated 500,000 hours per day. And he's a scientist, so it's got to be right!

And so, von Ahn thought of an ingenious way to harness those otherwise wasted hours and hours and hours.

Since he is both a scientist and an academic, he knew libraries have been trying to digitize pretty much every newspaper, book, pamphlet, magazine, and thing-with-writing-on-it out there. Basically, the libraries scan each page as a pdf and then convert it to text.

But, as we already established above, since computers can't easily recognize text, there are lots and lots of words that the computers just can't figure out. Von Ahn noted that older documents, especially those written before the turn of the 20th Century, are especially difficult for the computers to read. The ink has faded or smudged; the pages are yellowed or stained; and the computers make a lot of mistakes.

The libraries employed people whose job it was to do decipher the words and enter them into the database.

Until von Ahn thought to himself, "I wonder if instead of having people waste 500,000 hours per day as they enter those annoying Captcha verifications they do the decipherization of hard-to-read words for the digitization of all things written, we could create a win-win-win situation?"

Ok...that's my fictionalizing his inner dialogue that was explained on the radio. But, it's pretty accurate. I'm going to call it my first work of historical fiction.

So, he approached the New York Times and the Internet Archive (click here and check out the Internet Archive's "Wayback Machine"...it's pretty amazing stuff), and they formed re-Captcha.

Now, when you type those crazy words, one is a "key" the company has programmed as their password and one is a word that you are entering into a database since computers aren't as smart as they would like to think they are. So really, only one of the words has be typed correctly, since no one really knows what the other word is (although sometimes the first word is the "key" and sometimes it's the second word).

But don't fear...if you accidentally type the wrong word into the database, several other people have the same word they are trying to decipher. If a certain number of people agree on the same word for that "picture," the database considers that word accurately transcribed and the word is incorporated into the digital version of that document.

And if you are wondering what has been accomplished in the 500,000 hours per day of re-Captcha work, von Ahn estimated in 2008 it was "like 1.3 billion." Yeah...with a "B." (And I enjoy that this scientist/academic used the word "like" in the same context as a Valley Girl might.)

It was estimated that internet users transcribed enough words to fill up over 17,600 books at 99% accuracy. And I'm betting they aren't talking about Dr. Seuss-sized books. They also estimated that in 2009, they would digitize 70 years' worth of New York Times newspapers.

So the next time you have to type those pesky word verifications, remember that you are doing something for the greater good.

A cautionary tale

2011-10-13T23:45:00.000-07:00

When Darrell decided he was going to propose almost 8 years ago, he didn't want to tip me off.

See, we had only been dating six and a half years and he didn't want to freak me out.

So he was sneaking around at the mall, ducking into jewelry stores. He was absolutely paranoid that someone I knew would see him and tell me what they thought he was up to.

He decided on a ring and needed to figure out my ring size. I had several rings that I would wear, some on my left ring finger, so one day while he was at my house, he ran into my bedroom while I was otherwise occupied, slipped one of my rings on his pinky finger, and memorized where it went on his finger. He later went to the jewelry store and tried on the ring sizers to determine which size ring fit his pinky just the same and then bought the correct size.

Except, the ring he tried on was one of those cheap-o rings that fits all...it has the self-adjusting springy thing on the inside of the ring. So he bought a size 5.

So, when he proposed, and put the ring on my finger it was tight, but doable.

But as the day and night wore on, my finger started to swell and become a little painful. No worries. I just made sure to remove the ring each night and called it good.

So, flash forward about 7 years. I've unfortunately gained some weight. And although my fingers aren't overly fat, they are not even close to a size 5. Probably a 7.5.

I stopped wearing the engagement/wedding ring combo earlier this year since it was pretty painful and would cause irritation.

I have felt badly about this, so I decided a few weeks ago to wear the ring out on the town.

I have this trick I use to get the ring on...I usually wash my hands with soap while pushing the ring past that last knuckle and it works like a charm. I do the same, only in the reverse, to get the ring off.

I had to shove the ring a little harder this time, but figured it was okay. A couple of minutes later, I decided it probably wasn't ok. I could feel the pulse in my ring finger and it was a little uncomfortable.

I chose to remove the ring and resolved to lose a few pounds so the ring would fit more comfortably.

Only I couldn't get the ring off. I tried all my tricks...soapy water, oils of all kinds, lotion, ice, elevated hand.

Nothing.Worked.

And I knew there was no way that ring was coming off. I had a serious muffin-top between the ring and my knuckle, with nowhere for that extra stuff to go. That ring wasn't going to slide off.

Darrell was out running errands and I was literally supposed to meet friends for dinner in 10 minutes. I called Darrell and asked if he was done with his errands and if he could come home since my ring was stuck and we needed to run to urgent care to have the ring cut off.

He was quite concerned and I have vowed to always keep any emergency situation from him. He drove like a mad man, as if my finger was falling off. Once I re-assured him that I wasn't in pain, had all nerve sensations, and was just uncomfortable, all was ok.

We got to the local urgent care and asked if they could cut the ring off, which they couldn't. We left and drove to the local hospital that promises a 5 minute wait to see a doctor in the ER.

The nurse at check-in was kind enough to try to have someone remove it without checking me in (and charging me for a visit), but was told she had to follow protocol.

Within 5 minutes, a doctor was examining my finger and asking me what jewelers do to re-size a ring. Well, don't you think that since the ring was too small that I didn't know that? He gave me a form that had the next steps outlined and told me to take a seat in the waiting room and another doctor would be able to cut the ring off in a few minutes.

(Do you like that they added a box for "Cut Ring Off?)

Well, about 15 minutes later, a doctor came into the waiting room with a tool like this. Basically, guard went between the ring and my finger and the doctor turned a screw which cut the ring off. And yes...he did this in the waiting room with an audience of people checking out the crazy lady who had to get a ring cut off her finger.

I then had to wait about 30 minutes to register with the insurance people. Up to this point, I had only given my name, address, and weight to anyone. Too bad I didn't know that earlier, because I would have given a different name, address, and weight and fled the scene after being freed.

I registered, paid my $100 co-pay and got home 2 hours after I put the silly ring on my finger.

That was the last weekend in September. Today I got an email from the insurance company to show they received and paid the claim.

Any guesses on how much a trip to the ER for ring removal with no treatment for injury will cost? $732.70.

Any guesses on how much the insurance paid? $220.70.

It is estimated I have to pay an additional $55.18.

The moral to the story is this...just because you can get it on, doesn't mean you can get it off. Or as I say when I see someone wearing clothing that is oh-so-unflattering...just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD!

How NOT to compliment yourself

2011-10-12T22:34:00.001-07:00

So, I was talking with a friend today and she related the following 100% true story.

I'm looking for clever comebacks, so PLEASE leave a comment on what you wish my friend would have said.

A couple of years ago, this friend, who we'll call Mary, lost weight and was a size 4, which was way too small for her frame. She is almost 41 years old and about 5'7". She has since gained some weight but by no means would be considered fat. She has naturally curly/wavy hair, of which I am always jealous. She is also one of the most professionally groomed people I know. Mary is in mid-level management at the company at which she works. So, that's the important information you need to know about Mary's background to understand her experience.

Mary has a co-worker, who we will call Sally, who is about 55 and could be considered, by all accounts I've heard, a hoochie. She wears 5-inch stilettos almost every day. Her skirts are on the tighter side and cover almost everything that should be covered to keep her out of jail. She is an executive at the company at which Mary and Sally work and frequently meets with current and potential clients. So, there's Sally's background.

Mary went to the ladies room and as she exited a stall and started washing her hands, Sally, who was standing at the mirror, started "smoothing" her skirt. She said, to no one in particular, "Oooo! My butt looks a little big today." She then primped her hair and remarked, "And my hair! It's looking frizzy!" Mary said nothing as she continued to wash her hands, preparing to go back to work.

And then it came.

Sally said, "Well, you certainly look comfortable with yourself these days." And walked out.

I.KNOW...RUDE!

So, dear readers. This is where we need your input.

First, please let us know what you would have said or done in real life.

And then, let us know what you wish Mary had said or done.

I'm still too stunned to even formulate a response.

I'm gonna be sore!

2011-10-11T23:22:00.001-07:00

Tonight I went to the Stake Young Women's sports night. They had 6 different sports to choose from and each of the Young Women did 2 sports each.

I was the volleyball game score keeper. I know. Rough.Job.

There ended up being only one session of volleyball so some of the adults played 3 on 3.

Including me.

I haven't played volleyball in years! I was never really any kind of good, but boy howdy! I wasn't any kind of good tonight.

And my body is protesting.

Oops!

2011-10-11T00:53:00.001-07:00

I wonder if there's a way to choose a different time zone so this will appear to have been posted on the 10th?

Here today and tomorrow, please

2011-10-09T23:21:00.001-07:00

So, since I posted yesterday about things I wish would go out of style, I decided to post today about things I hope never go out of style.

Flare leg pants. Although, had you talked to the Stephanie in the 1980's, she would have said the exact opposite. You see, those were the days of pegged legs (known as skinny jeans today). And flare of any kind, even the kind known as "straight legs," was oh-so-uncool. But those were also the days of skinny Stephanie. And even if I were to become the skinniest I can be, I will always have hips. That will need flared-legs to give me proportion.

Eclectic design. I'm not the girl who can like one style of design only. You will never see my house decorated solely in victorian, traditional, mid-century modern, art deco, or even rococo (ESPECIALLY rococo!). However, you my see my house decorated with a little of victorian, traditional, mid-century modern, art deco, and even rococo (ESPECIALLY rococo!)...maybe even others. Because I just can't be tied down. Unless it's tied down to eclectic.

Pinterest. Because as we all know, I'm addicted.

Hamburgers as the hip-new-food. I mean, really, there have been scores (ok, several, but not scores) of hamburger shops that have opened over the past year-ish. Five Guys. Smash Burger. Coal Burger. Habit Burger. Flame Burger. And then there are the old stand bys. In n Out. Fat Burger. Chuck Box. Bun Huggers. I could go on, but I won't. Since it's making me hungry!

Smoky eyes. Not because I love doing smoky eyes. But because I want it to stay popular long after I have mastered it. I've got to figure it out and I think I'm on the edge of a break-through. But don't want to be the girl sporting the smoky eye look after it is passe.

Statement jewelry. Not the kind that says something literally. But the kind that is unique. That gets noticed. And isn't just like everything everyone else is wearing.

Now, I could go on, but here's the deal. I don't really know what is super trendy. I don't even know if any of the stuff above is still close to popular. Truth be told, I was googling trends of 2011 and hope I even came close on one of the above. But these are things I like, that don't seem to be too old-fashioned, that I hope stick around for awhile.

Or at least until I find something better to replace them with.

Here today...gone tomorrow

2011-10-08T23:34:00.000-07:00

You know how things that are uber cool today are has-beens tomorrow? Sorta like leg warmers were so cool in 1982, but in 1983 (by the time I got some), they were not any kind of good.

Well, here are a few fads that I wish would hurry up and make their way to "outsville."

Chevron-ifying EVERYTHING! The chevron design doesn't bother me. But the fact that everything has to have a chevron does.

French macarons. They are plain ole yucky. Perhaps because I'm not a fan of meringue and macarons are mostly meringue.

All things Twilight. I understand people like the series, but grown women acting like a vampire is going to magically transport them to another land and make all their dreams come true is really creepy. (I've never read the books or seen the movies, so I don't know if that is what happens. If I spoiled the ending, sorry. It was just a guess.)

Chalkboard paint. It wasn't bad at first. But now it seems like people are making chalkboards out of the craziest things. One of the things that didn't make any kind of sense to me was glasses for guests to drink out of at a party. The guests were to write their names on the glasses so that they could tell their glass from all other guests' glasses. Ok...let's think about this. Assuming the beverage is cold, in most climates, the glass would accumulate some amount of moisture. Causing the chalk to run. DOI!

Martha Stewart. Not only is she condescending, she takes credit for a staff full of behind-the-scenes worker bees. And they LET her. But those are not the reasons I wish she would stop being the "IT" factor. It's the pictures of her I see online. She has been airbrushed too much and looks foolish. Maybe the next time they (whoever they are) airbrush her, she'll vanish. Just like her wrinkles seem to have vanished.

Socialspark.com. If you read more than a handful of blogs, you probably have noticed that they all seem to post about the same thing around the same time. For awhile, it was Florida oranges (that even if they are green, they are ripe), next it was avocados and how to make avocado fries, then it was Tresemme's newest product (dry shampoo), and now it seems to be Boy Scouts of America. Here's the deal. If all these bloggers had been given the products and asked to review them, that would be marginally ok. But these bloggers were given the products with some canned remarks to post. "How do you know that, Stephanie?" Because they all said the same thing. Word.For.Word. Don't tell me these are your true opinions. Unless all the bloggers were in a think tank and came up with what to say together. But that didn't happen. And it feels more than a little disingenuous. Or maybe from now on, I'll memorize the commercials on TV, invite my friends over to my house, and then re-enact the commercials to plug the latest toilet paper or room deodorizer. But then again, probably not.

So, maybe my next post should be things I wish would never go out of style.

Or things I love. You know, to give things a positive spin.

Questions for the Internets

2011-10-07T23:45:00.001-07:00

Darrell has asked for some help and I think the internet is THE place for him to get that help.

He has some questions that I am not equipped to answer.

So, please, if you have the answers to any of these questions, leave a comment.

1--Should he attempt some at-home mole removal using a dremel? If yes, should he use the flat polishing sand-paper attachment or the conical grinding attachment?

2--When Texas A&M leaves the Big 12 Conference in 2012 (keep in mind the Big 10 Conference has 12 teams and the Big 12 has 10 Teams--I know...no sense.AT.ALL) and assuming TCU accepts the offer to join the Big 12, which 2 additional universities should be extended an invitation to join? Please choose 2:
A-BYU
B-Boise State
C-SMU
D-University of Houston
E-Louisville
F-Memphis
G-Other
Please provide reasons for your choices.

3--If Bigfoot is such a big creature, why hasn't anyone credible found evidence of its existence?

4--What is your favorite AC/DC song? Afterall, everyone should have a favorite.

5--Which of the states in the US, would you annex to Canada? Why?

6--What TV show of this newest season is the next to be cancelled? What one show should I be watching?

7--Name your favorite cut of beef.

And finally...

8--Team Edward or Jacob? And please explain what this means. I

Thank you! No, really. Thank you! Like I said, I haven't been able to explain any of these to Darrell's satisfaction, so maybe you can help me out.

If not. There's always the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

I'm a bad, bad wife!

2011-10-06T22:35:00.001-07:00

In my zeal to post every day, I started pre-writing my posts and then published one a day. For you know, the last 5 days, so it is TOTALLY a habit and all.

And because of this crazy-ness, I didn't wish my fabulous husband a happy birthday on this here blog.

On his birthday.

Because I had already posted once on his birthday.

And if I posted again, I would end up doing 32 blog posts in October.

And I just don't know if I have it in me.

See, I'm a bad, bad wife!

So, here's a belated (by only one day!) birthday to my amazing husband, who will remain nameless in this posting because he hates having any attention be paid to him.

I'm beginning to think he's a keeper!

Insert clever title here...

2011-10-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

Lately, as in the last couple of years or so, I've been really bad at eating lunch. If I don't take my lunch, most days I don't eat lunch.

But it's also really difficult for me to take my lunch since I'm not great at grocery shopping often enough to have lunch supplies on hand.

Today, I decided I really needed to take my lunch to work, so I was scavenging the kitchen for something...anything...to take with me.

I decided a can of soup would be fabulous. It's healthy. It's easy. It's relatively good. But it's also pretty much water, so I was sure I'd end up hungry a few minutes after eating it. Plus, it was something not too exciting, like Mexican Vegetarian Bean and Tomato. Seriously, how did I buy this?

So I did some hunting and gathering and found some mini saltine crackers. I figured adding some carbs to the soup would help a little in filling me up. I don't remember exactly when I bought them, but it had to have been about a year ago since it's been too hot for soup the last 6-ish months. And I really only eat saltines with soup.

I foraged a little more and found a string cheese (which Darrell tells me I eat incorrectly since I don't peel apart), a cherry-flavored Jell-O, and a vanilla-flavored pudding. Sounds pretty well-rounded to me. Plus, there's the girl at work who has a stockpile of chocolate that I can raid as needed (although that is seriously my lunch most days). (Don't judge...chocolate is a protein since it comes from the cacao plant which is a legume.)

As I was writing this, I found it pretty sad that most people could find better food in their desk at work than I could in my kitchen. At home.

So, around lunch-time (you know, 2:30-ish), I decided to eat my lunch.

I dumped most of the contents of my soup in the mug I took to work a couple of weeks ago...just in case I needed it. It was a little smaller than the soup can, so I decided to heat up what I could, eat some, and then pour the rest in the mug, heat it up, and eat it gone.

I then pulled out my baggie of saltines. For some reason, I really love saltines in my soup. I add them one at a time since soggy anything really grosses me out.

I was really excited to eat my soup and crackers since it's been awhile since I had this meal. I tasted the soup and it was sort of boring. It was, afterall, one of those "healthy" soups that has less sodium, which means I normally dump a tablespoon or so of salt into it so that it tastes like regular soup. I tried to find one of those little paper packets of salt in my desk and had no luck, but that's okay since the saltines are salty.

Hence the name saltines.

They tasted a little funky, but I figured the soup would help them taste normal.

No.Such.Luck.

They made the soup taste funky. But, although there are some lunches you can easily throw in your trashcan, soup isn't one of those. So I was stuck eating it. I tried it with some more crackers, but it started tasting bad.

I gave up on the saltines and ate the soup plain. I searched my desk drawers again for salt and for a moment, I contemplated dumping a couple of ketchup packets into the soup. But then I remembered the stew + ketchup fiasco of 1976 (which is an absolutely true story--for another day), and decided to go plain.

I finished my soup, ate my string cheese (the way I like to eat it), ate the Jell-O (which I'm always tempted to slurp up through a coffee stirrer), and ate the pudding.

Awhile later I raided the chocolate dish...isn't it amazing how much fresher the candy tastes the closer you get to Halloween?

When I got home from work and put away my lunch stuff, I saw the Saltine box on the counter. I decided to throw away the rest of the crackers and recycle the box (hey...I do my part to save the world!).

I glanced at the "Best By" date.

January 12, 2009.

Seriously? No wonder they were disgusting! They did taste a little like rancid oil.

But the worst part of all is that had they expired 10 years ago, they would have been made with trans-fats and tasted as fresh as the day I bought them.

A Piece of Art, or #7 of 30

2011-10-04T00:32:00.000-07:00

About 6 months ago, in my quest to post more frequently, I posted a list of 30 blog titles.

So far, I've done six.

And number 7 is "A Piece of Art."

I am not a self-proclaimed artist. I have several artsy family members, but I am not one.

I am, however, a self-proclaimed sorta crafter.

I'm pretty good at copying other people's ideas.

And not making them perfectly. Rather imperfectly, in fact.

But most of the time, I like my little imperfect pieces of craftery.

I have a few things that I should be posting, but since it's too dark to photograph them even remotely effectively, I will just re-post a recent craft that I consider a piece of art.

Unfortunately, I just recently posted this, so it's not exactly exciting.

But I promise I will take some photos of my other endeavors and post them here soon.

'Cause I still have 27 more days to go this month!

Since it's confession time...

2011-10-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

I just found out my profile at mormon.org is up and running.

Check it out.

And if you have any questions, just let me know in the comments.

PS...I thought I scheduled this post and it's a good thing I checked so I could keep the ball rolling since it didn't automatically post. Scary! Spooky!

Hi. My name is Stephanie. And I'm an addict.

2011-10-02T23:38:00.001-07:00

(Go ahead...say it. "Hi, Stephanie.")

I have become absolutely addicted to Pinterest.
I joined months ago, when it was difficult to get an invite--and yeah, you used to need an invite to join.
I kept reading all these blogs ('cause, if we're being honest, I'm addicted to blogs. Of people I don't know. Yeah...I've got a serious problem) and everyone was talking about "pinning" and "boards."
I didn't quite understand and I was a little annoyed. (Truth be told, I read several blogs written by people who annoy me. Some of these people are over-the-top narcissists. And tell everyone about their narcissism. Only they don't call it that.)
So, although I was annoyed, I figured it was just another thing these self-apprecating (you know, the opposite of self-deprecating) folks were discussing that was a secret society, only accessible to the blogtastics.
But then, one of the bloggers I admire wrote about it. And even described it. And was willing to give out invites. (That's one of the reasons I like her...she doesn't think the world-wide-web is HER oyster).
So, I went to the website and checked it out.

It looked a little like heaven.

A place I could put all those things I see on blogs that I love/want to do/dream of/etc.
Somewhere that I could remember.
It wasn't one of my secret hiding places. (I have so many of them, I can never remember where I put what. My cyber hiding places are various places on my C drive or emails I sent to a friend or emails I sent to myself or bookmarks on my browser or little pieces of paper I scribbled details or printouts I put in real [as opposed to cyber] hiding places like the pile of paper on the desk or the pile of paper on the floor in the home office or the pile of paper on the floor in the guest room....I think you get the idea.)

So I signed up and started using Pinterest.
I pinned a few things, but would forget about it most of the time.
I would get emails saying that someone I didn't know re-pinned a pin. Or was following me.
And I'd pin a few more things.
I had a conversation with one of the 2 other people I knew who pinned.
We couldn't figure out the re-pinning. And following. And found it slightly creepy.
And I pinned a few more things.

And then more of my friends started pinning.
And I learned about re-pinning. And following.
And I pinned more and more.
And re-pinned. And followed.

And now I find myself addicted.

And I'm SURE I can quit any time I want.
I don't pin at work, so it clearly isn't a problem.
I've gone DAYS without even thinking about it.
It's not like I installed the app on my phone. (Ok...I don't have an i-phone, which is [currently] the only phone that has an app.)
And I've only tried to access it at a friend's house once. And that was just because SHE wanted to see something I pinned.
And I haven't forced Darrell to sign up so I could have a secret Pinterest account...although that doesn't sound like a bad idea.

Ok....I'm an addict.

But hey...admitting I have a problem is the first step.

I saw that on a pin!

Holy freak-out, Batman!

2011-10-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

First, I'd like to apologize that this post isn't even half as exciting as its title would imply.

In case you hadn't noticed, I haven't updated this here blog in quite some time.

And a whole bunch of bloggers are posting every day in October, so I thought I'd jump on the band wagon since that's what I do.

I'm easily swayed. And if you didn't know that about me, now you do.

So, to the point. Since I decided to post every day in October, I started to do that very thing.

And blogger has totally changed itself.

When, exactly, I don't know.

And so, the reason for the blog post title.

Or maybe, even more appropriately, it is a little shocking I posted.

You decide.

(And comment your thoughts below).

Thanks for visiting!

E.A.T., or an example of my procraftination

2011-09-05T22:49:00.000-07:00

I'm the girl who loves to start crafts. But, unfortunately, I don't finish even half as many as I start.

Take my E.A.T. sign, for instance.

For months, I wanted to make some sort of craft revolving around the word "eat" for my kitchen. I wasn't sure of what it would look like, but I knew I wanted it.

One day while at Hobby Lobby, I saw the papier mache letters on sale and I bought an e, a, and t. I still wasn't sure how it would turn out, but I needed to make a start and that was a good one.

I then decided to decoupage pretty papers on each and attach them to frames. So I went back to the HL and searched the stacks and stacks of scrapbook paper. (Because the stacks and stacks I have at my home--under the guest bed, in the end table in the guest room, and stuffed in little hiding places here and there--were not quite right).

I went to the dollar store and scoured the picture frame section trying to find 3 frames that had character and were made well enough to not look tacky and cheap...'cause when you spend a dollar on a frame, you don't want everyone to know. But you certainly don't want to spend $5 on each frame. I spray painted the frames a glossy white (which looking at them again, I should have done at least one more coat, but I am an impatient woman...sorta).

I painted the glass of the frames a dainty aqua (the inside, not the outside). This time I painted about 3 coats to make sure you couldn't see the paint strokes and ensure uniformity.

Then I assembled the parts. The aqua glass in the now-white-frames and glued (with E6000--good stuff) the letters to the glass.

Then the letters sat in the bookcase in my home office. For months. They weren't quite done, but I couldn't figure out what they needed. So as I tried to figure it out (and live the rest of my day-to-day life), they sat. And sat. Finally, I figured I should hang them up and figure it out while I enjoyed them.

And I did.

About a month later, I decided to make some paper flowers, which wasn't too hard. I'd link to the tutorial where I found the instructions, but don't remember which of the millions of blogs I checked out was the one with the instructions. And so, alas, you'll need to just take my word for it. They are easy.

And now, it's been about another month and I finally took the letters down and glued (with hot-glue this time) the flowers on.

So there you have it. A tutorial of sorts. On how a craft that takes other people 30 minutes can take my 492 days to complete. (that is an estimate, but I wouldn't be too surprised if it was the true time frame).

Giveaway!

2011-09-05T01:45:00.000-07:00

After years of blogging--admittedly, it has been rather sporadic and lame, especially as of late--I am happy to announce a giveaway!

The winner will receive the rights to my debt. All of it. My mortgage, car payment, credit cards, and (while we're at it) my monthly bills, like groceries, utilities, and my shopping sprees. And by "rights," I mean "responsibility for paying."

The bad news is that it is way less than the national debt. The good news is that I can make arrangements for it to last your lifetime.

Here are all the rules of the giveaway:
Unlike all those other giveaways you are familiar with that have all sorts of questions to answer, or buttons you have to add to your blog, or Twitter/Facebook tag lines like "Oh my gosh! I just entered the best giveaway in the world and you should too! Just click here to enter.", all you have to do is nothing. Yep, that's right! Nothing.

'Cause here's the deal. I have a special tracker that lets me know who reads my blog, including their name, shoe size, and cell phone number--even if you use a reader and don't actually read from my URL. So, everyone who comes to my blog and doesn't leave a comment will be entered into the giveaway.

Now, if for some crazy reason, you decide you don't want to win this glorious giveaway, just leave me a comment.

Thanks for entering!

Fine print: I don't REALLY have a "special tracker" or know your shoe size, but I would really like to hear from my readers (assuming there are any :) ).

Girl power

2011-08-14T23:42:00.000-07:00

My dad was in the Air Force, so we moved around. A lot. Maybe not as much as some people did, but when I tell you I went no more than 2 years at the same school, it's not an exaggeration.

So, unlike many of my friends, I don't have that BFF from kindergarten. And I have secretly (or not-so-secretly) been jealous of those life-long BFFers.

Until a couple of weeks ago when I realized that instead of one Bestie, I've had several.

I had Anne. She was my best gal pal from four to seven. She taught me that parts can be on the side instead of down the middle and bangs are optional. She ran super fast and would hold my hand so that I could keep up. We played house and Barbies and grocery store. She helped me be brave and walk through the giant pampas grass plants on the way home from school.

Then there was my sister Jennilyn. We did everything together. We played more Barbies, house, Primary, and school than any other kids alive. We played Charlie's Angels. With cap guns. On roller skates. We shared a room for about 13 years straight. Some days were better than others. Our bedroom was initially decorated in red and white gingham, followed by a crazy 80's rainbow theme, and finally the bedroom of our dreams--or at least the dreams of the designers of Seventeen magazine. We exercised at night when we couldn't sleep. And since we shared a room, we also shared a radio. And listened to the same songs over and over together. Take One Me will always remind me of Jennilyn.

Molly was the Shirley to my Laverne in 9th and 10th grade. We were constantly doing something crazy. We made all the scenery for the Ward Roadshow--mostly from a sheet we painted in the style of Bob Ross. We entered the Audio/Visual Competition in lieu of doing a report in our 9th grade chemistry class--and ended up making a volcano, filming it, and dubbing the stampede scene from "May from Snowy River" as the sound of our rumbling volcano. (Yeah...pretty weird choice, but it was the mid-80s and there just wasn't much to choose from). We gave each other makeovers constantly. We talked on the phone incessantly. And we made plans to go to Ricks College and be roommates--and then she went to BYU instead.

So Lynell was my Ricks roommate. We took classes together and crammed for finals--I still remember the scientist named Harvey had something to do with capillaries. We set each other up on dates. She let me tag along on dates with her and her Sophomore year boyfriend. We did crazy things in the middle of the night--taped deformities into our faces, wore our undies on the outside of our clothes, danced and sang too loud. We went to church together and shared our testimonies with each other. We even worked the weeknight dinner shift in the cafeteria together.

And then because I enjoyed my nights so much better than my days, I went home to Tucson and tried to figure out my next move. My compadre in adventure was Lorrie. We both were sort of trying to decide what to do with the rest of our lives. So we played. A lot. I think in the next two years, between us, we took 4 credit hours of classes at in institution of higher learning and 164 credit hours of LDS Institute classes. We were in Lambda Delta Sigma together. We went to every dance together. We played pretty well. And then we started to prepare for our missions. Lorrie got her call to West Virginia and left a few months before I did.

That summer before my mission, Jamie was also getting ready for her mission and moved in with her grandparents who were in my parents' ward. We both were working for probably no more than minimum wage in the fashion industry (she was at Judy's in the mall and I was at Famous Footwear across the street and down a block). We were pretty excited for September to come, so we talked about our plans. She went with me when I went to the temple for the first time and then we went the next week together. She came to the MTC a week after I did and together we soaked up all the good the MTC had to offer. We wrote each other on our missions and she was a great example of a missionary to me.

Allison had the important task of re-acclimating me to "The World" after my mission. She set me up on my first date a week after I returned. We rented an apartment together. She introduced me to her circle of friends, many of whom played a huge part in my life. Less than a year later, she moved to her parents' home to prepare for her mission.

A couple of years later, I decided I needed a change of scenery. Arlissa lived in Mesa and was willing to provide the scene change. We lived for a short while in her grandparents' house in downtown Mesa and then re-located to North Phoenix. She has always had a way of making whomever she is with think that they are the most important person to her. We found a great singles ward and jumped in with both feet. We had parties galore, where we would cook for days in advance (many times by the light of a lamp when the overhead light would stop working). We went on road trips to Utah. With no A/C. Over Labor Day weekend. With my beta fish. She introduced me to NPR. She worked in the Governor's office and introduced me to movers and shakers. And she introduced me to Darrell--and got him to eat Chocolate Silk Pie.

My last roommate before Darrell was Kira. She taught me to eat felafel. She was always thinking deep thoughts and asking me what I was thinking. It astounded her when I would tell her I couldn't remember or that I was just zoning. She is the consummate teacher and has a huge love for animals. Even rats. Especially Hans und Franz.

And there are way more that I could name. I have been blessed to have so many good girl friends who have taught me so much. And even though I don't always keep in touch like I want to (because I want to!), I really love the friends that I have made thus far in my life.

And last of all, I'm glad for you!

I have the cutest niece in the world

2011-05-30T00:44:00.000-07:00

My cute little niece is coming on a big girl trip on an airplane to visit me in about 10 days. I'm SUPER excited. I've planned 17 days worth of activities in our two-and-a-half days together.

My sister didn't want to tell her funny little daughter about the trip too early, since she would (of course!) be too excited and find it difficult to concentrate at school.

Somehow she found out she was going to visit Aunt Stephanie and Grandma and Pop, but Aunt Stephanie first. I like to think that she is a lot like me and a detective at heart.

Today I talked to my sister who told me the niece had a ziploc bag full of her savings. My sister asked her why she had her money in a baggie, to which she replied,

"This is for when I go visit Aunt Stephanie. In case she doesn't have enough money. I can help her out!"

I'm feeling the love!

One fun fact about me...maybe

2011-05-30T00:37:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since my last blog post.

There are several reasons:

I started a new position at work around the time I last posted and I lost track of the time.
I've spend WAY less time using this here computer. I only check my Google reader a couple times a week instead of a couple of times a day.
I recommitted to working out and spend 3 hours a day at the gym, which leaves precious few minutes for blogging.
I wasn't quite sure what I should write for the next item on the list--A fun fact about me.

Ok. Ok. One of the above isn't true AT ALL. And one is the most true.

The most true is that, although blogging may be one of the most narcissistic things to do, do I really think there is a fact that is so "fun" about me that it deserves its own posting? Seriously? And what if no one else finds it "fun"? Then I will have posted a "Supposed Fun Fact about Me." And that's no fun.

The lie above is that I have been working out. Anyone who believed that is crazy. Well, maybe not. I DID recently begin paying money to a gym. I've sorta shopped for new workout clothes ('cause if you look good, you'll work out). I've planned on going to the gym on multiple occasions. And I may even show up on the Memorial Day.

So, I guess a fun fact about me is that I have a good imagination. That's what I call my tendency to stretch the truth. My mom calls it lying. I like to call it poetic license.

And I tend to take it often.

Favorite quotes

2011-04-04T00:41:00.000-07:00

I had to choose several. These are some of my favorite quotes by and about women. I need to remember them more often. And especially live up to them better.

"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity." Margaret Nadauld

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that  we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that  most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,  talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a  child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is  nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel  insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were  born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just  in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we  unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are  liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates  others."  Marianne Williamson

"Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion." Martha Graham

"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily difference we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee." Marian Wright Edelman

"I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." Diane Ackerman

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." Mother Theresa

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." Anne Frank

A book

2011-03-30T23:49:00.000-07:00

That's a favorite.

Hmmmm....

I'm one of those people who love to read, but forget that I do.

And even when I remember, I'm much too lazy to do much about it. I seem to find other things to do that require even less effort....watching TV, reading blogs (hey...that's reading!).

I love to peruse book stores...all the hidden treasures just waiting to be discovered. I end up buying so many books from the bargain area that they cannot truly be considered a bargain. (Ok, each book is a bargain, but when you buy $70 of books, I think it teeters closer to spendy). I have filled my bookcase to overflowing (which is color coordinated and fun). But, alas, I have read a mere fraction of the books.

I haven't quite mastered the art of librarying. When I was seven and lived in Arkansas, I remember going on monthly, maybe weekly, trips to the library with my family. The library cards were cardstock that had a little piece of metal attached. Somehow that combination of paper and metal worked together so the library could keep track of the books you checked out. We were limited to ten books per card, so we stocked up. We lived far enough away (which wasn't so far, but when you are seven, it seemed FAR), that by the time we got home, I had read nearly each book already. College sort of scared me away from libraries. I never quite mastered the Dewey Decimal System and when I saw that there was a semester-long class devoted to learning how to find books at the library, I was done. I recently got a new library card and look forward to using it.

I'm a member of a very prestigious book club. I've read maybe a dozen and a half of the books since joining nearly three years ago. Not very good stats. We always have lively conversation, so even if I haven't read the book, there is something exciting to discuss. Since our discussions don't revolve solely around the book but sometimes go on until the wee hours of the morning, Darrell thinks we should just read a magazine article and discuss that. I think he thinks I will get home much sooner if that is the case.

So, unfortunately, I don't have a trove of books upon which to base this posting.

I guess that could be viewed as a good thing, though. Because, after all, I wouldn't want to think too hard!

One of my faves is "The Persian Pickle Club." It's a book my mom recommended after her book club read it. My grandmama read it, also, and we all talked about favorite parts. It is a book that really can be enjoyed by readers of all ages.

After my mother-in-law passed away, we were going through her belongings and I came across a copy of the book. I don't know if she read it, but it would have been right up her alley.

I'm glad that some of the most influential women in my life could all share a book that meant so much to me. Especially since there are so few books that I have loved as much.

20 Faves

2011-03-29T01:49:00.000-07:00

peanut butter and chocolate
green
sleeping in
hawaii
freshly laundered linens (especially if laundered by someone else)
gel roller pens
ruffles
the day after a good haircut
red geraniums with dark purple pansies
maps of any sort

halfway done.....

1985
starbucks hot chocolate and pumpkin scone
my new bedding, complete with twelve (yes 12!) pillows
lipstick
a relaxing evening in with Darrell

only five more...

creating something beautiful or funky
a clean house
visiting my extended family
masterpiece on pbs
lots of comments on my blog (hint)

So totally on a roll

2011-03-28T01:45:00.000-07:00

So Post Number 2 on "The List" is a favorite movie.

That's such an easy one.

Because I.Love.The Princess Bride!

What's not to love?

fencing

"You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, ah?"

fighting

"You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?"

torture

"Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever. "

And (because apparently I'm a HUGE fan of torture)...

"As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really that's all this is except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?"

revenge

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

giants

"It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise."

And (because giants are fantastic poets)...

"That Vizzini, he can *fuss*."
"Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*."
"Probably he means no *harm*."
"He's really very short on *charm*."
"You have a great gift for rhyme."
"Yes, yes, some of the time."
"Enough of that."
"Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?"
"If there are, we all be dead."
"No more rhymes now, I mean it."
"Anybody want a peanut?"
"DYEEAAHHHHHH"

monsters

"Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist."

chases

"He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using."

escapes

"No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem. There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too."

true love

"As....you....wish!"

miracles

"Have fun storming the castle!"

I so need to watch this again!

Let me know what your favorite movie is.

Finally...I'm posting to this here blog!

2011-03-27T02:06:00.000-07:00

I lost a bit of my mojo and couldn't figure out for the life of me what to post.

and so I didn't.

Then, I saw a great list of topics and decided that at least I would know what to post about.

The problem then became that the first topic was "A favorite song."

I have too many. How could I choose? It was like asking my mom which of her kids is her favorite. (Ok, probably not, since she would say, "Stephanie," without any hesitation!) (Just kidding) (Sort of).

So I've tossed and turned at nights, trying desperately to decide on which favorite to post.

And then it happened. When I stopped fretting, it came to me.

You may wonder, "How in the world can this be Stephanie's favorite song? It's the theme song from the not-so-popular 1970's TV show "S.W.A.T." It's not from the 80's. There are no words. It's not that easy to dance to. And who even knows who...performs it?"

I admit. I don't think I ever saw the TV show. I didn't even know the name of the song until 2003 when the movie version was released. But I knew the song since the TV show debuted.

Ok...I DO like songs other than 80's songs, although 80's is probably my favorite decade for music. I heard about a study somewhere that whatever music you enjoy when you are about 15 is the music that stays with you and forms your taste for life. Seems reasonable to me.

You are absolutely right. There are no words. But, when I was about 5, my sister and I would sing this song, using "Duh" for each syllable. We would only sing it when we were cleaning our room. Here is what would happen. We would be sent to our room to clean it. We would dawdle and end up playing with our toys instead of cleaning. My mom would come in and remind us to clean. We probably rolled our eyes. Or at least I did. I had "sass." My mom would call to us that we had five minutes to clean our room before (1) we ate dinner, (2) had to go to bed, (3) were going somewhere, or (4) would get spanked. Suddenly, Jennilyn and I needed something to help us clean like mad women. I think we tried wiggling our noses a couple of times, but we were no Samanthas. So, we would "sing" the "Pick Up Song." The faster and louder we sang, the faster we cleaned. I'm sure it looked something like a tornado. I remember running in circles, chucking stuff as I went. I'm sure the room did not get clean, but my stuff was hidden from immediate sight. And so, there are, in fact, words to the song.

I would have to disagree that it's not easy to dance to. As you can see in the preceding paragraph, Jennilyn and I danced like fiends as we were trashing, I mean cleaning, our room while singing the song.

And come on...who doesn't know that American funk group, Rhythm Heritage, performed the song? Ok. Me. But wikipedia knew. And Barry De Vorzon wrote the song. Doi! Ok...I got that from imdb.com. But he was a theme song composer extraordinaire.

And not just because he wrote one of my favorite songs.

Sneak preview

2011-03-10T00:24:00.000-07:00

Here's a list of posts to come:

post 01 — A favorite song
post 02 — A favorite movie
post 03 — 20 favorite things
post 04 — A favorite book
post 05 — A favorite quote
post 06 — A fun fact about me
post 07 — A piece of art
post 08 — Something I crave
post 09 — Pet peeves
post 10 — A photo of me taken over ten years ago
post 11 — A photo of me taken recently
post 12 — Something I bought recently
post 13 — A talent of mine
post 14 — Some place I want to go
post 15 — My celebrity crush
post 16 — A favorite food
post 17 — My worst habit
post 18 — Dream house
post 19 — Dream job (if money was no object)
post 20 — A hobby of mine
post 21 — A favorite recipe
post 22 — A favorite joke
post 23 — A video
post 24 — My day in great detail
post 25 — A favorite photo
post 26 — A funny (true) story
post 27 — A child I love
post 28 — A place I love
post 29 — A person I love
post 30 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

I'm excited. I've been in a funk and haven't had a clue of what to post.

Now I do!

My brudder is famous!

2011-03-02T01:01:00.002-07:00

He even has a movie about him.

I hope he'll give me an autograph!

Sentimental Journey

2011-02-05T23:54:00.001-07:00

I'm quite the sentimentalist. It really is one of my strengths and weaknesses.

I can remember all sort of events that others don't. If you don't believe me, ask me to tell you at least one story about you. I will be able to tell you things that you likely won't remember. And I don't say that to impress you, just to impress upon you that I really am sentimental, so the little things other people easily forget, I tend to remember.

And because of this silly sentimentality, I keep things that other people can throw away without a second thought. Greeting cards from people I don't even keep in contact with. Movie ticket stubs from movies that I didn't like from 20 years ago.

Tonight I was going through a couple of small boxes of things I've kept that I can't possibly toss. I've re-read cards I've long forgotten from birthdays from too long ago. I've looked at wedding invitations for friends that are celebrating 20 years of wedded bliss, or even for friends that are no longer married. And yes...I've read letters I wrote but never sent. I'm particularly good at that.

And yet, I can't seem to get rid of these ancient antiquities. It's something about me that I wish I could change. But Darrell wishes I could change this even more. He fears that I will be featured on Hoarders one day.

The good news is that I threw away about a third of the stuff I went through.

It's a start.

The bad news is that I have oh-so-much-more to do.

I love romantical songs like this...

2011-01-23T23:39:00.000-07:00

I'm the luckiest and get to be with my favorite person in the world...Darrell. <3

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'll be posting some of my favorite romantical songs.

If you ever want to see me poke my eyes out...

2010-12-19T02:10:00.000-07:00

take me to a Ward Christmas Party.

Seriously, I don't understand what comes over people, but when most walk into the cultural hall for any Ward Party, but particularly the Ward Christmas Party, they immediately forget they have children. And because these children are now forgotten, they run and scream like wild animals.

All the while, the parents are stuffing themselves with mediocre (at best) food. Don't get me wrong, the food was likely delicious when it was prepared, but since it is now room temperature and picked over by the 629 people in the line in front of me, it's not as appetizing as it once was.

There are never enough tables set up, so inevitably, the late-comers are hovering in the wings, with plates of food balanced all up their arms (they seriously look like a waitress at the fancy diner that can balance 8 plates per arm--except these plates are paper and precariously tipping). If by chance you vacate your chair, you've lost it for the night. Never mind that you got up to reunite the kid screaming at the top of his lungs (because his Oreo(R) fell on the floor) and the rest of his family on the other side of the cultural hall, working on helpings three and four.

After almost everyone has served themselves (in one gargantuan line, since no one thought to set up two separate buffet tables), the evening's MC, who is the self-appointed Ward Comedian, invites the Primary children to come to the front of the Cultural Hall, stand in a single file line in front of the stage, and sing some Christmas songs that no one can hear since the kids just started learning the songs two weeks ago. Well, ok, there is that one kid that is the super achiever and sings extra loud to compensate for the rest of the kids. But she is the one that couldn't carry a tune in a wheelbarrow.

About this time, the "real" entertainment begins: the pseudo-amateur performers singing hits, such as, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," "Jingle Bell Rock," "Do You Hear What I Hear," and "The Twelve Days of Christmas"--all verses, acted out, with non-singers "singing." But, the bad/good news is that no one can hear the entertainment, since people won't stop talking to the person sharing the table with them (even though the rest of the year they ignore each other).

And then, there is the serious song, like "O Holy Night" or "Mary, Did You Know," that is thrown in to help everyone remember the true meaning of Christmas, but really just makes everyone feel awkward. Mostly because the singer had just remembered she had kids three minutes before she took the stage. And yelled at them to sit down and listen to the people singing.

The great news, though, is Santa makes an appearance. All the kids line up to tell Santa their wish list. And then feel cheated since Santa gives out a "prize" like an orange.

As you can tell, I'm not much of a fan of the Ward Christmas Party.

And just so you know, this doesn't necessarily describe any ONE Ward Christmas Party I've been to. It's more of an observation of how they tend to go, based on several years of attending. I made an appearance at this year's party, after several years of boycotts. I think there are several more boycotts in my future.

It's not good to be hungry at 1:17 am

2010-12-17T01:19:00.001-07:00

I really shouldn't eat anything.

But I REALLY am hungry.

I guess the good thing is that I want to eat grapefruit.

It could be worse.

Like a gooey chocolate brownie with ice cream and hot fudge.

And just like that, I saved 5,726 calories.

I'm amazing!

Items in mirror may be larger than they appear

2010-12-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

The year Darrell and I got married, I decided it was time to purchase a beautiful and fully lighted artificial Christmas tree. And since I was buying one, it needed to be fabulous. One that would last for years.

So, I went to the Costco (one of my favorite stores) and found a beautiful 9-foot tree. Our living room has vaulted ceilings, so it would fit perfectly.

I picked out the perfect spot for it and was so excited to get it home and start decorating.

If I played it right, the whole house would look like a Christmas catalog before Darrell got home.

I paid for the tree and pushed the flat-bed cart to the parking lot.

The tree was in a box about 6-feet long, which was just going to have to stick out the back of the trunk the five mile trip home.

The only problem was this:

I owned a car that was too small to accommodate the box.

I tried every possible configuration to get that dumb box in the car.

I tried loading the box through the trunk, but it wouldn't fit--the box was too tall to fit in the trunk.

I tried loading the box through the front door, but I could only get it to go perpendicular--from the passenger side to the driver's side. I wasn't going to be able to drive the car that way.

I turned that box every direction possible, but it was all to no avail.

I spent about 30 minutes trying to get that dang tree in the dang car.

It wasn't happening.

(I sincerely hope there weren't security cameras filming my attempts. I guess if there were, I'd have seen the film on the youtube by now.)

(I like calling things "the" whatever....the youtube, the Costco, the email. It goes back to my days in Missouri, I think.)

So, I took the stupid tree to the returns area. The man working the desk asked what was wrong.

"The tree won't fit in my car. I just bought it half an hour ago and can't get it in my car."

I told him that I'd be back with a larger vehicle and he could just give me a store credit.

I came back a couple of days later with one of Darrell's friend's SUV.

The Costco was completely out of Christmas trees.

We ended up with a bookcase.

It's a good thing we didn't get that 9-foot Christmas tree after all. When I got home, I realized we would have had to climb over the couch everytime we needed to go into the kitchen. My space perception is sometimes off.

That's why, when we move, we will have to take the bookcase out the window.

There's no way in hades we will be able to get it out of the room it's in. You see...we assembled it in our home office and it can only go from the home office to the bathroom. It's too big to take the corner to get out of either of those rooms.

I really love Annie Lennox

2010-12-14T23:40:00.002-07:00

Her voice is fab and this song is one of her best....

Jury Duty

2010-12-12T23:14:00.000-07:00

or...There's got to be a better way to spend eight hours.

About six weeks ago, I got a summons in the mail for jury duty.

This was about the fourth summons I have received in about as many years.

It seems that everytime I get jury duty, I call the day before I'm scheduled to appear and my group doesn't have to go downtown.

Except this last time.

I had to appear at 9:15 (am--like, in the morning!), in downtown Phoenix. I used to work in downtown Phoenix, so it's not like I don't know what to expect in driving down there. What I don't remember, is what time I have to leave to be there in time to be on time. All I knew was that it had to be early. And I don't do early.

I managed to make it in time, with time to spare, in fact. I was not happy, however. It was dark, and early, and cold, and early.

I took a book to read since I knew I'd have some time to kill. I ended up reading about half of my book, which was good for me. I'm not a reader. Ask anyone in my bookclub. And yes, it's pretty silly to be a non-reader in a bookclub of readers.

I was called in the third group of people to go to a courtroom. I was juror number 38. I kept thinking that it would be easy to remember my number, since it was my age. Except it isn't my age. I sort of forget my age, which is sorta crazy. (Not that I forget my age, but that I am the age that I am....I don't know where the last 20-ish years went).

There were sixty of us. It is rather interesting to people watch the jury duty process. There are some real weirdos that show up:

There was the unemployed guy who had to be "not-quite-right." He was too excited to be there. I guess the $0.44 per mile for the trip was the most money he was going to make in a long time. He was overly chatty to whoever was near him. He waved at the attorneys and police officer when we had to look at them to determine whether we knew them.

There was the older lady who related her life experiences in the 1970s when we were asked questions about whether we knew people in law enforcement.

There were ALL the people who answered they had been victims of crimes because their cars were vandalized a dozen years ago.

We got to the courtroom about 11:00 and broke for a two hour lunch from 12 to 2. The judge had asked us a bunch of questions and there were so many people who wanted to speak about their experiences in private, we got an extra hour for lunch. When we met back at 2, the people who had met in private informed the rest of us that private meant the judge, the clerk, the bailiff, the court reporter, the two prosecutors, the police officer, the defense attorney, the defendant, the two sheriff's office deputies guarding the defendant, and the person requesting to speak in "private."

From 2 to 3, the judge asked some more questions and then excused us for about 45 minutes. Upon our return, the jury was selected. I, fortunately, was not selected to serve on the jury. The trial was expected to last 2 weeks and the defendant was charged with kidnapping, rape, and felonious possession of a weapon. I don't think I could stand to listen to the testimony for two weeks.

But here are the good things I learned:

When the attorneys "approach" the bench, the judge turns on a white noise machine that is piped into the courtroom via speakers directly above the jury. I always wondered how they could talk without everyone hearing it. It's just something they don't explain well on Law & Order.

The carnitas at the courthouse's cafeteria are really good. I would take another trip down there for the carnitas alone.

The security measures made me laugh. I walked through a metal detector and then was "wanded," front and back. I then had to lift my pant legs high enough for the security officer to see my ankles. Because I wouldn't think to put a weapon around my calves.

It gets DANG cold in the courthouse. Either that or I get cold easily. Ok. I get cold easily. But that is nothing new.

I'm going to do my best to stay on THIS side of the law. The other side doesn't look as fun.

Readers, I need your help!

2010-11-14T17:38:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to decide on a second pie for Thanksgiving.

I'm making a pie crust recipe that makes enough crust for two pies.

And cutting the recipe in half is unreasonable.

So, what pie (other than pumpkin, since that's the no-brainer) should I make?

Leave your answer in the comments.

I'm a serious slacker

2010-11-13T02:54:00.000-07:00

Since I have insomnia, I've been checking out some of blogger's newer features. I found where you can read all the comments left on your blog in one location.

So, I was reading them and came across some classics. I have some great friends--thanks to you all.

And then I came across several that had me confused. So I checked out the original posting.

It was a list of ten things that make me ridiculously happy.

And I asked my readers (that's you) if any one would like to write their own list for me to post on my blog.

Several of you responded.

And I forgot all about it.

So, if you are still interested (or interested for the first time), let me know. I will do it for real this time!

And, yeah, I still have a large stack of thank you cards that I never sent out from my wedding.

Six years ago.

I love Thanksgiving

2010-11-13T01:35:00.001-07:00

And the food.

Here's this year's line-up:

Roasted turkey, brined for about 24 hours. Delicious!
Turkey gravy, made from the turkey drippings (that sounds yucky) instead of a brown powder. My mom's coming and can help me figure out gravy once and for all. (I'll have to write a separate post about the mauve gravy I made).
Homemade cranberry sauce. It's actually so, so easy. Who knew?
Mashed yukon gold potatoes. With butter, sour cream, butter, salt, butter, pepper, butter, and butter. Not lo-cal.
Homemade cornbread dressing, made from homemade cornbread. Yum!
Glazed and candied sweet potatoes. No nasty marshmallows, though.
Sauteed green beans with bacon, shallots, and sesame seeds.
Raspberry pretzel jello salad. This year I ~~have~~ get to share.
Homemade rolls with Irish butter. Oh-so-delicious.
Homemade pumpkin pie with caramel whipped cream.
Fizzy cranberry cocktails. Or mocktails, really.

There may or may not be other things, but the above items are the required ones.

I'll have to post the recipes on here so I can find them easily.

I can hardly wait!

You know you are lazy.....

2010-11-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

When making rice krispies treats is too much work.

So you buy the pre-made, sheet-cake size rice krispies treats.

Really? 'Cause it's too hard to make them?

Am I bigger?

2010-10-24T23:39:00.000-07:00

Or is everything getter smaller?

A half gallon of ice cream is now only 1.5 quarts. If anyone was going to notice that one, it's me. I used to eat ice cream two or more times a day. That was back in my teen age years when I was as thin as a rail and thought I was ginormous. Maybe I should start thinking that way again.

The toilet paper rolls are shorter. They have the same number of sheets, but the rolls fit so easily on the TP holders. Remember when you had to squish the roll to get it on there? No more.

Five pound sugar bags are now four pound sugar bags. I was at the store looking for the five pound bags, which don't exist, and kept seeing the small bags and the big bags, but not the medium bags.

Women's clothing. I have worn the same size for several years, even though I can't wear the clothes in the same size from a couple of years ago. Do they really think we are stupid? Ok, we aren't stupid, just vain.

I know why retailers do this. They want to trick us. Either get less than we used to for the same price or feel "good" about ourselves since we "still" fit in the size we love. But seriously, are they really tricking anyone?

I would rather pay a little more and get the same amount I used to get.

Now, I have to buy two of something to get the amount needed for a recipe. And I have too much.

Or, even worse, I have to do hard math to figure out how to cut every other ingredient back by the same percentage. That hasn't worked well for me yet.

Clearly women's clothing is smaller than it used to. Size 2 was the smallest less than 20 years ago. Now there is a triple zero. REALLY? What next, negative numbers? Or worse yet, IMAGINARY numbers?

Just be honest with me. Is that too much to ask?

It's possible I won't sleep well tonight

2010-10-13T01:33:00.000-07:00

Look what I found just before going to bed tonight....

Yeah. It's a super creepy scorpion.

I now think that the bed is full of them and I won't get to sleep for hours.

I captured it in a glass (one of the only things they can't climb).

I researched on the internet the best way to kill them.

Apparently stepping on them and squishing while turning your foot is the best.

But not when you are wearing flip flops.

I chose to flush it down the toilet.

Random rant

2010-09-23T00:56:00.000-07:00

I really hate it when I send an email to someone to just give a quick update on a project and the response is an attack on me and what the other person read between the lines.

The lines that didn't even exist.

Now, I know that email does a poor job of conveying tone. But there wasn't even any tone I tried to convey.

I sent a, "Hey, a quick reminder about XYZ and a suggestion" email and I got a, "I already know what you told me, don't tell me what to do, and furthermore, you made me mad the last time we talked and I'm going to tell you off now."

Nice.

Have you ever been to Joe's Real BBQ in Gilbert, Arizona?

2010-09-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

It's DANG good!

We went there for dinner tonight. We chose the walk-up window. That's right, the walk-up window.

We were both tired and decided to get the food to go and eat at home. And pretend we made dinner.

We ordered and sat on the bench outside the walk-up window, waiting patiently for our food.

Because they were super busy, it took awhile. Like twenty minutes. In 100 degree weather.

They called, "Darrell, your food is ready!"

Darrell jumped up and went to the window.

But before he had the chance to get our food, some lady who had ordered about three minutes earlier, talking on a cell phone, pushed her way to the walk-up window.

And stole.our.food.

You read correctly, my friends.

She stole.
Our.
Food.

Darrell asked the girl at the window if she said "Darrell" or some other name.

She said, "Darrell."

He told her that our food was stolen by the lady that just took the food.

Sidenote--To the girl at the window: Is it too hard to notice that the lady you JUST took an order from is claiming food that isn't hers?

Back to the story:

Everyone in line was agog. Joe's did make up our food relatively quickly.

But I'm hoping she ordered far more than two turkey sandwiches, cheesy potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and corn.

Or better yet.

That she is allergic.

By the way...her name is Cheryl.

And apparently, the world revolves around her.

I'm stealing from my sister

2010-09-16T23:40:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I drove (actually rode since I can't drive a standard transmission car (I KNOW! Forty years old and can't do it...unbelievable!)) to Colorado Springs, with my sister Julie. She moved from Tucson to the NYC. We stayed at Jennilyn, my other sister's house. You know, my sister with the only grandchild. The cutest niece on the earth! My other sister, Emily, flew into Colorado Springs and drove with Julie to the NYC. Emily is a fabulous photographer and I stole this photo of my from her blog.

I was amazed with what she must have done with photoshop to have a photo of me turn out so relatively nice!

Thanks, Emily! And Julie! And Jennilyn! And Malena! What a fun couple of days!

Money for nothing....

2010-09-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

and the chicks for free.

Do you remember that Dire Straits song?

Well, I found a website that will give you $15--that you spend on FABULOUS merchandise they sell--just for signing up.

Pretty amazing, huh?

It is One Kings Lane.

Sign up, and enter my email address in the optional "I was invited by" field (darrellandsteph at cox dot com), and we both get $15.

Then you can refer people and the whole world gets $15.

You can redeem your credit right away, or anytime in the next six months.

But if you see something you like, snatch it up. The offers are only available for one day and once the product is gone, it's gone.

I still don't like Apple, but

2010-09-15T00:53:00.000-07:00

Darrell won an i-Pad and it's sort of fun.

Except it uses i-Tunes and we all know how much I hate that!

Best of all, Darrell is really good at sharing.

Thanks, babe!

What kind of geek are you?

2010-09-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

There are gleeks. I sorta fall into that category.

There are computer geeks. I SOOOO don't fall into that category. There are two IT guys at work that I single-handedly keep employed. I have nearly run out of memory on my computer (which is the third one I have had in less than two and a half years of employment there). I have files on my computer that need to be transferred to the server. But they are so big that the server would crash if they were transferred. I know it SOUNDS like I know what I'm talking about, but I don't. Because....

I am also the geek that can remember things that I am told. Unless it is important. I have about forty years of useless information stored in my cabeza. I remember that William Harvey was the first physician to accurately describe the circulation system and properties of blood (thank you college science--twenty-two years ago!). But I cannot for the life of me remember to charge my cell phone every night.

I am not a comic book geek. I just.don't.get.them.

I'm not a science geek. Even though I remember the whole "Harvey thing," I really don't care about science. The last science class I took in college was Astronomy. You're thinking, "That sounds like a cool class...looking at stars through telescopes." That's what I thought. Nope. Tons of math. I didn't get it. I dropped the class the day of the final. I probably had a 3% in the class. Definitely NOT a science geek.

I'm not a technology geek. I don't have to have the latest gadget. I've had my cell phone for over two years, even though I was eligible for an upgrade more than a year ago. I choose my phone based solely on its ability to have "Charlie's Angels" as a ring tone. And I can't remember how to use most of the 5,627 functions my phone has.

I'm not a math geek. If you were to look at my report card from 11th grade, you would think I was a math geek. I took Algebra II that year. And had a 113% in the class. But it was the second time I took the class. I thought I liked math and wanted to take it all four years of high school. I switched high schools between my sophomore and junior years and there were different math tracks. I had to retake Algebra II to take Trigonometry. So I more than aced Algebra II the second time. Not so much the first time.

I'm not a music geek. I like many genres and am not tied to only one style of music. I like music that is old and music that is new. I think that a music geek isn't so much the person who is really "into" music as much as the person who is only "into" one type of music. That's not me.

I'm a map and navigator geek. I love looking at maps, charting the course, being the direction-giver. I hate mapquest and other web-based navigation systems. I've been misled too many times. I do, however, like GPS. I especially like teasing the GPS lady (have you noticed they are always ladies? The ONLY ladies that men will ask for directions?). I will purposely turn the wrong way, just so the GPS lady can tell me to turn around. I like to keep her on her toes. When I was eight, I was pretty pleased that I could navigate my entire family, including grandparents and uncle, from our house in North Little Rock, Arkansas, to the Arkansas Territorial Capital--eight miles away (it SOOO seemed further)--a couple of months after attending the museum on a school field trip. Yep. I'm.that.good.

I'm a grammar geek. But don't get me wrong...I'm no professional. I'm merely an amateur grammar geek. I do it for fun. At work, I'm required to write legal reports. I try my best to be a grammar geek, but I truly leave it to the professionals. Seriously. We have editors whose sole job is to read reports from me and my co-workers to ensure we have used grammar correctly. And so, as an amateur, semi-professional grammar geek, I.love.this:

Why I love it when Darrell goes out with the guys

2010-08-22T10:25:00.001-07:00

Or, Breakfast for Dinner...

I am of the school of thought that sometimes there is nothing better than breakfast for dinner.

And what's not to love?

It's easy, cheap, fast, delicious, and filling.

Plus, I hate mornings so much, I never have a "proper" breakfast.

Darrell, however, is firmly entrenched in the opposite viewpoint.

Breakfast is only an acceptable option before 9:30 in the morning.

And not before 5:30 in the morning.

I've tried the, "Darrell, it's 6:00 at night, so it's earlier than 9:30 tomorrow morning. We should have breakfast for dinner."

Doesn't.Work.

So, basically anytime Darrell goes out with his friends for dinner, I know EXACTLY what I will eat for dinner.

BREAKFAST! (Cue angelic singing).

This very scenario played out this past Friday.

I made myself some Oatmeal Pancakes--some with blueberries, Buttermilk Syrup (Lucinda, for introducing this most delicious elixirs, I hex you! I'm sure it is responsible for several of my current pounds!), and bacon. I was going to throw in some hash browns, but got too full on the above.

Last night, as we were trying to decide what to eat for dinner, Darrell suggested Dunkin' Donuts. I told him that we can't eat donuts for dinner.

To which he replied, "Why not? You just ate breakfast for dinner last night. And donuts are a breakfast food!"

I think I'll break him yet.

Here are my favorite recipes for the Oatmeal Pancakes and Buttermilk Syrup.

Oatmeal Pancakes

1 1/2 cups rolled oats

1/2 cup flour
2 tsp. sugar
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
2 cups buttermilk
2 eggs, beaten

Combine dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, whisk buttermilk and eggs and then combine with dry ingredients. Mix until combined, but don't over mix.

Cook pancakes on hot griddle. I used a quarter-cup measuring cup, which will make 12 pancakes. This recipe can very easily be cut in half (which I do...I can't eat 12...not even 6 pancakes).

Normally when you use buttermilk, you are supposed to use baking powder, but the baking soda in this recipe works. Thanks to my mom, I remember that you DO use baking soda when using buttermilk. DUH!

Buttermilk Syrup

1 1/2 cups butter
1 1/2 cups buttermilk
3 cups sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 Tbsp baking soda

In a large saucepan (larger than you think you'll need, since the syrup will foam up in the end), combine the butter, buttermilk, and sugar. Bring to a boil, stirring regularly.

Remove from the heat and add vanilla and baking soda. It will foam up now. Stir to combine.

Try hard not to sit in front of the TV and eat this like soup.

I always cut this recipe into a third. It's really good and if, by some crazy miracle, you have any left over, keep it in the fridge. I'm told it keeps for a couple of weeks. I haven't tested this theory yet.

Why webmd is my best friend...

2010-08-08T23:25:00.000-07:00

I am one of those crazy people who, after reading a magazine article detailing the "disease of the month," am convinced I have it.

I can answer yes to the questions about Every.Single.Symptom.

And so, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac.

But, I always alleviate my worst fears by going to my trusty friend, webmd, and seeing that there is nothing to worry about.

The good news is that I never have any of the usual illnesses. Nope, strep throat, sprained ankle, and sinusitis are not my body's ailments of choice.

The following are just a few of the diseases from which I have suffered over the years:

Numerous ear infections. As a full on adult. The kind where my ear drum has burst. Several times. No wonder I feel I am partially deaf.

Kidney stones. Although it's been over a decade since my last bout (knock on wood!), the pain is HELL CRAZY! And there is nothing that makes it feel bearable. Most of the time I have been forced to drive during the pain. To all those who say miracles have ceased, I say: I drove over 20 miles in the middle of unimaginable pain. And no one got hurt.

Bursitis. I don't know why. I don't know how, But I developed bursitis in my right shoulder just before turning 30. I couldn't move my right arm. Try dressing without the use of your dominant arm. Needless to say, I tried to drink very little until the pain subsided.

A sprained wrist. I know that it doesn't sound that strange. But I sprained my wrist while riding an inner tube being pulled by a boat. I hit a big wave and came crashing down into the water. However, the pain didn't manifest itself for 3 days. Poor Darrell was practically interrogated by the ER staff, to ensure he did not beat me.

A bunionette. No, it's not just a little bunion. It's a bunion on the other side of your foot--with your little toe. It hurts like crazy and I have to wear these crazy devices to help cushion my shoes. I'm too young for the podiatrist!

I'm sure there are more, but I don't want to bore you with the crazy details. Suffice it to say that years of watching shows like ER and Emergency! have helped me with self diagnosis.

I don't know if that is a good thing.

New look

2010-07-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you noticed, but I changed the look of the blog.

I didn't have much choice, since the site I got the background from removed the graphic from wherever it was saved on the web.

So, I went with one of the new blogger backgrounds.

I spent thirty-nine seconds making up my mind.

Hope you enjoy.

I'm off to spend time with Darrell and eat a rice crispy treat.

Or two.

Life's little lessons

2010-07-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

I truly believe that we each have many things to learn in this life.

Some of these lessons must be learned here, with a physical body.

If we don't learn these lessons, we will be forced to repeat the mistakes.

One of those lessons I repeatedly make and refuse to learn is this:

Eating too much cookie dough makes me sick.

I don't think I truly learned my lesson today and will eat it again.

Maybe even tomorrow.

Seriously good music!

2010-07-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

I so loved this song when I was little--like 3 or 4. It looks like I was in good company.

This is a really great cover. You won't be sorry you watched it. Except Dave does give Obama too much credit.

Dear Charmin,

2010-07-15T23:02:00.000-07:00

Did you really think I wouldn't notice that your rolls are smaller? And I'm paying the same amount?

Dear Monsoon,

Where are you? I can draw you a map if you need one.

Dear Roly-Poly Bugs,

Please stop coming into my house. There is no food for you, so you die. And then I have to clean up after you. Really...just stay outside.

Dear Vending Machines at Work,

Can you stock something that is pseudo-healthy? My Cheddar Sun Chips and Peanut Butter M&M lunch yesterday probably were the best choice there and it still couldn't be called a good choice.

Dear Curtains Hanging in the Home Office,

Do you think you can clean yourselves? I really don't feel like taking you down and driving to the cleaners. Is it too much to ask for some help around here?

Dear Dairy Queen,

Can you honor my expired BOGO Blizzard coupon? I totally forgot I had it until 15 minutes after you closed on the day it expired. You'll have a customer for life. :)

Dear Bunionette,

Can you go away? I know that's asking a lot since bunionettes are like kids...once you have them, you have them for life. But I would really appreciate wearing *cute* shoes rather than *comfortable* shoes every once in a while.

Sincerely,

Stephanie

PS-Roly-Poly Bugs, if you worked out some sort of agreement with Scorpions that you will come into my house instead of them, please know that the welcome mat is out. You are much better house guests.

How lame is this?

2010-07-08T23:02:00.000-07:00

About eleven years ago, when I was 13 ('cause I'm only 24!), I bought a fabulous dress at one of my favorite stores...the clearance Dillard's. It was a fabulous deal and I was so excited to wear it to church.

Now, this was back in the "olden days" when I could actually wear almost all the clothes in my closet, unlike today, when I can wear almost nothing in my closet. This is an important part to the story that I tell.

As I was getting ready for church, I was anticipating how great I was going to look in my new dress. All the compliment I would receive. The success that would be mine, just from wearing this new dress.

As I was putting the dress on, I noticed an odd accessory that I hadn't seen the day before, when I purchased the dress.

It was one of those dang security tags with ink in it!

I couldn't wear the new and magical dress to church!

Whatever was I to do?

I surely couldn't remove the tag, since my beautiful dress would be ruined.

Could I pull off wearing the dress, hoping no one would notice the tag? No. Prob'ly not.

So, even though I had a massive closet of clothes--all appropriate for church--I decided my best bet was to skip church that week.

And so I did. And that is about the lamest excuse for ditching church I have ever heard.

What's your lamest excuse? Or do you go to church even when you have a truly justified reason to stay home?

Circle

2010-07-07T23:51:00.000-07:00

Even though it's sort of melancholy, this is one of my favorite songs.

One of the songs that I forget about until I hear it.

And then I play it and play it and play it.

Take a listen and let it become a favorite of yours.

Me, I'm a part of your circle of friends
and we notice you don't come around
Me, I think it all depends
on you touching ground with us.
But, I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
it seems.
And I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
it seems.

And being alone
is the best way to be.
When I'm by myself it's
the best way to be.
When I'm all alone it's
the best way to be.
When I'm by myself
nobody else can say goodbye.

Everything is temporary anyway.
When the streets are wet --
the color slip into the sky.
But I don't know why that means you and I are
- that means you and....
I quit -- I give up.
Nothin's good enough for anybody else it seems.
But I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else it seems.

And being alone
is the best way to be.
When I'm by myself it's
the best way to be.
When I'm all alone it's
the best way to be.
When I'm by myself
nobody else can say...

Me, I'm a part of your circle of friends
and we notice you don't come around.

Halalalalalala

iTunes Sucks, part three

2010-07-05T19:19:00.002-07:00

John,

I understand that you work for a corporation that has your hands tied. I, too, have worked in the customer service industry and understand your frustration and difficulty in helping clients the way you would like to. I appreciate your help, but unfortunately iTunes and Apple were so inefficient in getting back with me, over $200 was stolen from my account for unauthorized purchases. Had I been able to talk with a real person when I discovered the $1 charge, I could have prevented this fraudulent activity. I fortunately was able to limit the purchasing power of my debit card, even though I was unable to close the card over a holiday weekend when my bank was closed.

I address the company for which you work below and do not wish to detract from the help that you were able to provide me.

Do not pass the blame for your company's inability to protect consumers from fraudsters. Let me tell you that I have not shared my password, responded to any "phishing" emails, or used the same password for multiple online accounts. I do not appreciate being told that I am responsible for someone else's criminal activities. Your company has made promises of account security it is either incapable of or unwilling to keep.

I appreciate that Apple was able to determine from MY investigation that "It appears that your account information was modified without your authorization." Thank you, Captain Obvious!

I have reset my password, but REFUSE to provide ANY account information to your company, since even after I limited the ability to use my own bank account, fraudsters were able to download further unauthorized purchases, including "The Fart Machine." My account information even reflects that I OWE you $25 for such downloads. Let me tell you that not only will iTunes never receive a penny from me, Apple will also never receive a penny from me. I will not purchase an iPhone (not like I would be able to use the telephone feature since it appears to be more useful as an app-machine and cannot receive a telephone signal--one would think that a telephone would be able to, but apparently not. Further, not even your company's CEO can use the dumb thing, as shown here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxZZauBN2pU). I will not purchase an iPod (I have one that has gone unused for eighteen months since it is so inconvenient to use and my Napster-to-Go account is cheaper, more user friendly, has not been compromised, and allows for contact with people). I will not purchase an iPad (my five year old "inferior" MP3 player has more memory than your iPad. A netbook has more capabilities than an iPad. Plus, the name is stupid--really? It sounds like an Apple sanitary napkin). And just like the general public, I did not purchase your other "ground breaking" products, such as the Newton and Apple TV. They appear to have taken off like wildfire--and we all know how much the general population loves wildfires.

Please provide me with user-friendly directions to de-activate my account as I will no longer need Apple's services.

John, I certainly appreciate your help and hope that you are adequately compensated for working at a company that values its privacy, but not the privacy of its most important asset--its clients.

Regards,

Stephanie

PS-Please feel free to forward this email to your manager so that the company's problems can be addressed. I will forward this email to my contact list and I'm sure they will be happy to spread the word.

To my blogging friends: Beware! The same thing happened to my sister and numerous others according to a quick google search. Feel free to link back to this to help others prevent the same fate.

iTunes responds

2010-07-05T19:18:00.002-07:00

Hello Stephanie,

My name is John, and I am an advisor with the iTunes Store Support team. I would first like to apologize for the delay in responding to your inquiry. This is certainly not the customary wait time for a reply from iTunes Store Customer Support. We have been experiencing higher than expected volumes, and your patience is greatly appreciated. Please note I will be escalating your request, so if you have any other questions or concerns, you can reply to this email and it will come straight to me.

I understand that you have found several unauthorized charges on your account and you have not been able to sign in. I can certainly imagine how eager you are to get this resolved and I would be more than happy to assist you with this today.

It appears that your account information was modified without your authorization. This can happen for a number of reasons, most commonly due to "phishing" emails, sharing passwords, or using the same password for multiple online accounts. I have restored your account information and your Apple ID is "blahblahblah". You will need to visit http://iforgot.apple.com to reset your password so you can sign in.

Please review the following article for help in identifying legitimate emails from the iTunes Store.

Identifying legitimate emails from the iTunes Store

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT2075

For the time being we have disabled the account to prevent any further unauthorized purchased. To reactivate the account we will need you to reply back with the following infomration:

-Billing address on the account

As well as one of the following

-last four digits on the credit card on the account -a order number for purchase made on the account -the title of an item purchased on the account

I urge you to contact your card issuer as soon as possible to inquire about canceling the card or account and removing the unauthorized transactions. You should also ask them to launch an investigation into the security of your account. Under the circumstances the iTunes Store cannot reverse the charges for those purchases without chargeback orders from your card issuer.

I have disallowed it from being used on the iTunes Store. If you wish to place orders using a different payment method, you can add one to your account by following these instructions:

1) Open iTunes and sign in to the iTunes Store.

2) Select "View My Account" from the Store menu.

3) Enter your password and click the View Account button.

4) Click the Edit Payment Information button.

5) Select the card type and enter the card number, security code, and expiration date.

6) Click the Done button at the bottom of the page.

If you suspect you are the victim of identity theft, consider following these recommendations:

- Contact the fraud departments of any consumer reporting company to place a fraud alert on your credit report.

- Close the accounts that you believe have been used without your knowledge.

Thank you for being an iTunes Store customer. If you have further questions regarding this issue, please don't hesitate to reply. Have a great day.

Best wishes,

John

iTunes Store Customer Support

Dear itunes,

2010-07-05T02:56:00.003-07:00

You Suck!

I don't really use you, but since Napster sometimes doesn't have the song I need and you do, I have an account.

So, on Friday, when I got an email receipt for the purchase of some stupid game that only works on iphone, I figured something was up. You see, not everyone in the world thinks that the iphone is the best phone out there. Some of us actually use our phones as telephones and think that coverage and the ability to not drop calls is important.

I decided to log on to itunes to do some investigation. I couldn't remember my password, but since I have a few in my arsenal, I decided to try them all. However, none worked.

No problem, I said to myself. I will click on the "Forget Password?" link and straighten things out.

Au contraire, mon frere! There are two options to retrieve your password: A-Request it to be emailed to your email address on record; or B-Answer the secret question and reset your password.

Easy-peasy. I clicked to have my password emailed to me. Afterall, I DID get an email receipt, so clearly the itunes yahoos have my address. Nope. I did not get an email, even after waiting longer than the 5 minutes promised. So I clicked on the same button. Several times. No luck.

Ok, so let me answer the secret question. What is your birthday? Super easy, since it was just two days earlier. Apparently not. I could not even get that answer correct.

I then spent 25 minutes trying in vain to contact itunes customer support. There are three ways to make contact--telephone, email, and chatting. Guess what you have to do to even get the phone number or initiate a chat session? Your password. NICE!

I finally was able to email the dorks at itunes. The good news is they will respond within 48 hours of receipt of my email. The okay news is they sent me the following automated message:

Dear customer,

This is an automated reply, but an iTunes Store representative will review your request and send you a personal response, most likely within 24 hours.

While you are waiting, you may wish to review this article:

iTunes Store: Best practices for protecting the security of your account

Please do not reply to this email message. It was sent from an address that cannot accept incoming email.

Thank you for your patience.

Sincerely,

iTunes Store Customer Support

Message Subject: iTunes Store Account and Billing

Follow-Up: xxxxxxx

The bad news is it has been nearly 72 hours since that time. And no response.

I guess the nice people at Apple are too busy explaining to iphone 4 users why the telephone they just bought has such an ineffective antenna that they cannot use the phone to place or receive a call.

Or the ipad owners why they cannot connect to the internet unless they purchased the most expensive one on the market and then only if they are in a internet hotspot. Good luck downloading anything if you are not at a Starbucks.

Apparently hijacking a user's profile, password, email address, and secret question and then using the profile to purchase stupid games is merely a problem best left to the FAQs.

PS--Because it has taken you so long to respond, I'd like to thank you for the additional $200 in charges that have been incurred. I'm betting the scammer changed the email address and you have since responded to him. You are freakin' idiots!

Dumbest.Commercial.Ever!

2010-06-29T21:27:00.003-07:00

A-Diapers don't need to look like they are made of denim.
B-You won't look like #1 when you #2.
C-A kid in a diaper doesn't look chic.
D-If your poo is blue, you've probably eaten something you shouldn't have.
E-There is no way to look cool when you poo.

Seriously....who writes this crap?

PS--Darrell saw this while watching "World's Most Dangerous Group" on MTV--a documentary on NWA. You know...the band that started Gangsta Rap.

Bread in Five Minutes

2010-06-27T22:43:00.000-07:00

I have a real love affair with good bread. I could easily eat it with every meal.

Or FOR every meal.

Tonight I almost did that...ate bread and water for dinner. I through a couple of slice of turkey in to "round" out my meal.

This is a recipe that I've seen on multiple blogs and heard great things about. But I was a little frightened to try it.

Thursday night, for Relief Society, we had a demonstration and I decided to try it today.

Here is the recipe, adapted from the book Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day: (My adaptations and comments are in italics)

You will want to mix the ingredients in a large-ish bowl that has a lid that isn't airtight. The girl who demonstrated this used a plastic ice cream bucket--like the kind my friend Ginger uses for a salad bowl. :)

3 cups lukewarm water
1-1/2 tablespoons yeast
1-1/2 tablespoons kosher or other coarse salt
6-1/2 cups unsifted, unbleached, all-purpose white flour,
measured with the scoop-and-sweep method
Cornmeal for pizza peel

1. Warm the water slightly: It should feel just a little warmer than body temperature, about 100°F. Warm water will rise the dough to the right point for storage in about 2 hours. You can use cold tap water and get an identical final result; then the first rising will take 3 or even 4 hours. That won't be too great a difference, as you will only be doing this once per stored batch. I made this before I left for church and didn't know I had the cold water option. I will definitely try cold water next time to lengthen the rising time and not fret about rushing home.

2. Add yeast and salt to the water in a 5-quart bowl or, preferably, in a resealable, lidded (not airtight) plastic food container or food-grade bucket. Don't worry about getting it all to dissolve. I used a container that was too small and ended up with a little bit of a mess--it, however, was easily cleaned up. Although you don't have to dissolve the yeast and salt, I would try to prevent any lumps.

3. Mix in the flour—kneading is unnecessary: Add all of the flour at once, measuring it in with dry-ingredient measuring cups, by gently scooping up flour, then sweeping the top level with a knife or spatula; don't press down into the flour as you scoop or you'll throw off the measurement by compressing. Mix with a wooden spoon, a high-capacity food processor (14 cups or larger) fitted with the dough attachment, or a heavy-duty stand mixer fitted with the dough hook until the mixture is uniform. If you're hand-mixing and it becomes too difficult to incorporate all the flour with the spoon, you can reach into your mixing vessel with very wet hands and press the mixture together. Don't knead. It isn't necessary. You're finished when everything is uniformly moist, without dry patches. This step is done in a matter of minutes, and will yield a dough that is wet and loose enough to conform to the shape of its container. I used a wooden spoon and it wasn't difficult at all, but next time I will use my Kitchen Aid.

4. Allow to rise: Cover with a lid (not airtight) that fits well to the container you're using. Allow the mixture to rise at room temperature until it begins to collapse (or at least flattens on the top), approximately 2 hours, depending on the room's temperature and the initial water temperature. Longer rising times, up to about 5 hours, will not harm the result. You can use a portion of the dough any time after this period. Fully refrigerated wet dough is less sticky and is easier to work with than dough at room temperature. So, the first time you try our method, it's best to refrigerate the dough overnight (or at least 3 hours), before shaping a loaf. I didn't do this, but if you haven't really made any bread, this could be a good idea.

5. The gluten cloak: don't knead, just "cloak" and shape a loaf in 30 to 60 seconds. First, prepare a pizza peel by sprinkling it liberally with cornmeal to prevent your loaf from sticking to it when you slide it into the oven. If you don't have a pizza peel, use a cutting board. Use a lot of cornmeal, the more you have the less likely the dough will stick to your surface. Cloaking is sprinkling the top of the dough liberally with flour...probably a quarter cup.

6. Sprinkle the surface of your refrigerated dough with flour. Pull up and cut off a 1-pound (grapefruit-size) piece of dough, using a serrated knife. Hold the mass of dough in your hands and add a little more flour as needed so it won't stick to your hands. Gently stretch the surface of the dough around to the bottom on all four sides, rotating the ball a quarter-turn as you go. Most of the dusting flour will fall off; it's not intended to be incorporated into the dough. The bottom of the loaf may appear to be a collection of bunched ends, but it will flatten out and adhere during resting and baking. The correctly shaped final product will be smooth and cohesive. The entire process should take no more than 30 to 60 seconds. I decided to bake all the dough, which ended up being 3 loaves. I should have baked one.

6. Rest the loaf and let it rise on a pizza peel: Place the shaped ball on the cornmeal-covered pizza peel. Allow the loaf to rest on the peel for about 40 minutes (it doesn't need to be covered during the rest period). Depending on the age of the dough, you may not see much rise during this period; more rising will occur during baking ("oven spring"). Since it is summer in Arizona, I let my first loaf rise 20 minutes, my second loaf rise 40 minutes, and the final one to rise 60 minutes. There wasn't a huge difference between the first and the last--I could have baked two at a time.

7. Twenty minutes before baking, preheat the oven to 450°F, with a baking stone placed on the middle rack. Place an empty broiler tray for holding water on any other shelf that won't interfere with the rising bread.

8. Dust and slash: Unless otherwise indicated in a specific recipe, dust the top of the loaf liberally with flour, which will allow the slashing knife to pass without sticking. Slash a 1/4-inch-deep cross, "scallop," or tic-tac-toe pattern into the top, using a serrated bread knife. I forgot to do this on one of the loaves and it split on the bottom, so I highly recommend this step.

9. Baking with steam: After a 20-minute preheat, you're ready to bake, even though your oven thermometer won't yet be up to full temperature. With a quick forward jerking motion of the wrist, slide the loaf off the pizza peel and onto the preheated baking stone. Quickly but carefully pour about 1 cup of hot water from the tap into the broiler tray and close the oven door to trap the steam. Bake for about 30 minutes, or until the crust is nicely browned and firm to the touch. Because you've used wet dough, there is little risk of drying out the interior, despite the dark crust. When you remove the loaf from the oven, it will audibly crackle, or "sing," when initially exposed to roomtemperature air. Allow to cool completely, preferably on a wire cooling rack, for best flavor, texture, and slicing. The perfect crust may initially soften, but will firm up again when cooled. I added about 3 cups of water and had to add more between the second and third loaves. The water spatters quite a bit, so be careful!

10. Store the remaining dough in the refrigerator in your lidded (not airtight) container and use it over the next 14 days: You'll find that even one day's storage improves the flavor and texture of your bread. This maturation continues over the 14-day storage period. Refrigerate unused dough in a lidded storage container (again, not airtight). If you mixed your dough in this container, you've avoided some cleanup. Cut off and shape more loaves as you need them. We often have several types of dough storing in the refrigerator at once. The dough can also be frozen in 1 pound portions in an airtight container and defrosted overnight in the refrigerator prior to baking day.

I hope you enjoy this bread as much as Darrell and I did.

Friday Night...Date Night

2010-06-25T23:48:00.000-07:00

Darrell and I are really into having a Date Night every Friday night.

We do all sorts of fun and exciting things.

Let me give you the highlights of tonight's Date Night:

But first, a little background: I peruse my local Freecycle bulletin board. There is typically a bunch of junk available that even Goodwill won't take. You know. Moving boxes, Barney VHS tapes, cans of chipped beef that may or may not be bulging. Junk. But this morning, I noticed a headboard from Pottery Barn was being offered. For Free. I emailed the lady and waited to hear back. And waited. And waited. Finally at 1:30, she emailed and told me I could have it if I came and picked it up at 6:30. Score!

So, back to the date night:

Darrell and I left at 6:10 to pick up the headboard. We drove my car, since it is an SUV rather than Darrell's four-door car. The lady lives in a townhouse really close to us and the unit numbers are hardly visible from the parking lot. We found the place because the headboard was outside, waiting for us. We had to maneuver it into the car, since it was both too wide and too tall to fit in perfectly. Good thing I grabbed our never-used-until-tonight bungee cords. We had to roll down one of the windows and bungee the lift-back door "closed." I took side streets home, but we made it. Safe and sound. The headboard is a little dusty and looks like it came from a house with dogs, so it's in the garage so I can give it a good vacuuming tomorrow. But here is what it looks like:

Fancy, huh?

After we (meaning me) changed our clothes, we headed out. As we were making our way to the car, I remembered I noticed some wasps building a nest in the bushes in front of our house. They have done that in years past, and I wanted Darrell to exterminate them tomorrow. Darrell decided that teasing the wasps would be more fun, so he told me, "Go start the car, so we can escape quickly." I got into the car and Darrell kicked the bush as if he was punting in the Super Bowl to win in a last seconds attempt. He then ran to the car as if he was being chased by a swarm of killer bees. The wasps' nest lay in the middle of our grass. "I think we need to go to Ace Hardware to get some wasp killer," he told me.

We went to the local Ace Hardware, where he picked up wasp poison and an air filter for the air conditioner. We buy the expensive ones since they tend to help with Darrell's allergies. He's allergic to dust, desert plant pollens, and most pets. While we were there, I decided to get some paint for some projects I have lined up. There may or may not be future posts related to the paint (It completely depends how successful or UNsuccessful I am).

We took the paint and wasp poison home, since we didn't really want to leave them in the car and the 100+ degree heat. Yes, even at 7 in the evening, it's 100+. Darrell just took the stuff into the garage, while I waited in the car. Very near to the bush that was kicked thirty minutes earlier. As I sat there, I observed a couple of wasps, flying around the bush, looking a little confused. I know that sounds weird, since 1-I couldn't see their faces; and 2-even if I could see their faces, they probably don't have very expressive faces. But they were flying all around the bushes as if they were looking for their home. I laughed and re-told the story to Darrell.

We next went to the Costco! We got a cart and bought produce and Greek yogurt and Fiber One bars and razors. Then we ran into some friends (hi Ginger and Mary!) and chatted for awhile. Apparently, the Costco is high on the list of romantic places to be on a Friday Night Date Night. We picked up some food at the food court, gassed up the SUV, and drove home.

We ate our pizza, salad, and fro-yo while watching Friday Night Lights a la DVR.

Oh the romance!

I'm going all Al Gore on you

2010-06-19T23:45:00.000-07:00

I only sorta do my part to save the earth.

I recycle. Some times only because I have run out of room in my garbage can and will fit more stuff in it if I "recycle" some of the other stuff.

I try not to waste water unnecessarily. I strategically space the cleaning of my floors by several weeks.

I let my grass grow really high. It produces more oxygen and consumes more CO2 that way, right?

I sometimes go a couple of days without driving my car. When I completely don't even leave my house.

I installed those pesky new fangled light bulbs. And only gripe about them every OTHER day!

So, I am going to share with you one way that I really want to be green:

I hate. Hate. HATE. phone books! With all my guts!

It seems I get a new one every month or so.

I have a hard time that these companies can actually make money printing and distributing these things.

I know. I know...they sell advertising space, which pays for the stupid books.

But really, who uses them?

Besides people born before 1967?

I guess that sorta answers that question.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that they will go the way of dinosaurs. And it will only take as many years for the book to die as it has been since dinosaurs roamed the planet.

So today, in my blog reading, I came across this link.

Go to it NOW. Post Haste!

For there you will enable yourself to never receive a stupid phone book again.

You enter your ZIP code and it lists all the companies that provide you will reading material for the next decade or two.

Follow those links and enter your info to opt out of the insanity.

If you are anything like me, though, you will have a little tiny bit of regret. "What if I suddenly need the phone book to find xyz?"

"Just use your cell phone's handy phone book feature," replies the smart side of my brain.

Don't ever say I don't love the environment now.

Step One: Open mouth; Step Two: Insert foot

2010-06-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

Back in the olden days, when I lived in Tucson, I worked at an auto insurance agency.

It catered to people who needed to purchase insurance to comply with the state minimum requirement, but did not have a good record with insurance (either due to not paying it consistently or not have a good driving record).

I was what I liked to call an unlicensed agent. I did the same work the agents at the office did. I just didn't sign my name to any of the policies.

I gave people insurance quotes. I took applications, both by phone and in person. I processed payments. I referred customers to the claims department when accidents occurred.

So I came in contact with people all day, every day.

I don't know about you, but when I have a routine, I can sometimes make people think that I am truly interested in our discussion. Especially when I am not.

This was SO the case with my job as the unlicensed agent.

As I took applications, I had to ask people about their jobs. Since it took about 15 minutes to complete the application and the employment part came up pretty quickly, I could usually count on talking about their occupation for the remaining time.

Do you like your job?

Oh, I have a friend who does that, too!

How long have you been doing that?

Now, for the most part, I could convince them that my questioning was genuine. There were a few jobs that I didn't pull it off well, though. You know...jobs like "entertainers" (which was the politically correct term for exotic dancers).

Sometimes, when the person had a particularly interesting job, I would really get into the Q&A session and jabber on for much longer than the application process should have taken.

But other times, my mind would be on cruise control and I would say the first thing that came to mind.

Like, "Oh! My roommate is an illegal alien!"

To the Border Patrol agent.

Move over, Aaron Eckhart....

2010-06-09T00:10:00.000-07:00

I have a new pretend boyfriend.

Rupert Penry-Jones.

Sigh.....Isn't he delicious?

But never fear. I'm still madly in love with my handsome husband, Darrell.

You may want to bookmark this posting

2010-06-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

For those days that you just don't think your life can get any worse.

Watch this and remember that things aren't as bad as you think.

'Cause you could be that guy!

Jagged little pills

2010-06-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

Well, let's all thank my mom for reminding me of two wonderful stories from my childhood.

The first is from when I was about six years old. My mom was introduced to the wonderful world of Shaklee. For those who are unfamiliar with Shaklee, it is similar-ish to Amway. Just not so pyramid-ish and more based on vitamins rather than cleaning supplies. Although they do sell cleaning supplies.

My mom decided to buy vitamins and get us all healthier. But, this was the 1970s, when salaries were much lower and my mom was frugal. She could either buy the adult vitamins or the children vitamins. She opted for the adult vitamins.

The adult vitamins were rather large and covered in a dark green coating. Similar to an M&M. Have you smelled an adult vitamin recently? Not good.

Since I was only six and my sister was only four, we had not yet mastered swallowing pills whole.

My mom gave us each a pill and told us if we chewed it quickly, it would be gone before we knew it.

Do you remember when you were a little kid and were given something to eat that you didn't like? Did you chew and swallow it quickly? If you did, you were smarter than I was.

I remember chewing slowly. I remember chewing slowly with a horrified look on my face. I remember chewing so slowly, extra saliva formed. I remember chewing so slowly, with so much extra saliva, that I drooled excessively. (I most certainly had no intention of swallowing that nasty tasting saliva.) Dark green drool. I'm sure I looked quite similar to a vampire. A vampire that sucked green blood.

I think my mom must have figured out the error of her ways when both Jennilyn and I were crying, drooling green gunk, and refusing to swallow. She let us spit out our very expensive vitamins.

Later that week, we got Flintstones.

Fast forward a couple of years. I still had not mastered the art of swallowing pills whole. Jennilyn had. However, she also suffered from far more ear infections than I had, so she had more experience.

One day when Jennilyn was suffering from an ear infection and had been prescribed Actifed (a pill the size of half a Tic Tac), my mom decided it was high time I learned to take pills.

She took one of Jennilyn's pills and told me that I was going to swallow the pill. I retorted, "But I'm not sick. I shouldn't take the pill."

My kind mother replied, "It's not a very strong pill. It won't really do much to you."

And so I learned to swallow pills whole. My mom does not believe that she would have given me a pill without my truly needing it. You will see...she will leave a comment to that effect. But this is a true story.

I only wish she would have taught me two years earlier.

Roommates--the long and the short of it

2010-06-03T01:42:00.001-07:00

I've had my fair share of roommates. Some may even say I've had more than my fair share of roommates.

My first roommate, besides my parents for I'm guessing a few months, was my sister Jennilyn. We started being roommates shortly after I turned four. I think. That was, after all, a long time ago. Maybe it was shortly before I turned five and my brother Todd was born. But it seems like it was a few months earlier. Jennilyn is my longest roommate to date. We shared a room consistently until I moved to college.

I then had Lynell, Susan, and Tami as roommates. And as far as first time college roommates, we did pretty well. We had our ups and downs, our bumps along the way, but what we really had was fun!

The next year, Lynell and I shared our space with Maren and Rochelle. A friend, Bronna, lived on our couch for several weeks while she healed from a broken knee cap. Somehow we were convinced she was better off with us than in her apartment. Maren moved out the second semester (it may have had something to do with the fact that I didn't go to bed before 4 am and she had all early classes). (I KNOW, so odd that I was a night owl back in the day!) For most of the second semester, it was just the three of us. About a month before school ended, a girl, whose name I don't remember, moved in with us. I remember Tami called her Q-Tip the year before because of her hair.

My next roommates were while I was on my mission. In the MTC, I had three--Shelley (my companion), Jill, and Sister Nielsen (I can't remember her first name--give me some time and it may come back to me). We were roommates for only three weeks, but had a fabulous time. I recently reconnected with Jill via Facebook and she has a great photography business.

Over the next eighteen months, I ended up with so many roommates/companions on my mission, it seems unreal. But here goes:
Elizabeth--I was her last companion and we were together for one month. It was pretty tough being new and paired with someone really ready to go home. But I learned a lot from her.
Nicole--We were together from mid-November to mid-January and had so much fun! She also was getting ready to go home, but the difference was night and day. We had some pretty crazy experiences that I still think of fondly today.
Alisha--We were together just a few days. Unfortunately we were split up when another companionship needed to be re-assigned. She was a good companion, who I learned from. (Anyone noticing a pattern?)
Lucy--This girl made me laugh. We were together about three months and had fun. Sometimes too much.
Liza--She joined Lucy and me for a month. She was the yin to Lucy and my yang.
Lori--She helped me go from city girl to backwoods country gal. We had too many adventures and she cracked me up!
Nichole--She really tried my patience. Unfortunately, we didn't see eye to eye on many things and I wasn't the best at compromise. We were together about 6 weeks until we were split up in the middle of the month.
Wendy--She was one of the hardest workers I was with. I loved being with her since she taught me to just get out and do it. We were together about three weeks, but it was a great three weeks.
Jen--She hurt her knee something ferocious and she and I moved into the mission home so she could heal. I loved the time we spent there...being with President and Sister McGrath was wonderful and I was in a "four-some."
Sydney--She was a part of the four-some and was a great worker. We partied every day.
Kelsey--The last of the four-some. She was hysterical! She was from Chubbuck, Idaho and pretended it was a metropolis.
Lori--Yep, Lori again! This time was a three-some and it was hysterical every minute.
Sandy--She was a "mini-missionary." She was just shy of 21 and from the area. She spent 6 months as a missionary and I spent two and a half months with her. She was a great calming influence. When she wasn't being just as crazy as the rest of us.
Shawna--She was another difficult companion. But I did learn from her.
Sydney-Again. And just as much fun. We were companions the last three months of my mission and I am so grateful for her influence to keep me going.
Cathy--She, Syd, and I were companions for a couple of months and we had the best of times in the 'hood known as East St. Louis. She was another worker bee!

I had another couple of sisters that were roommates for a couple of days, but I won't count them. We don't want to go overboard!

A few months after I got home from my mission, I moved into an apartment with Allison, Jen, and another girl, whose name escapes me. Things went well for about six months, but then they started to go down hill. Allison left to go on a mission and I was about 4 years older than the other two girls.

So, I moved in with Arlissa, Sandy, Sarah, Stephanie (yes, a roommate with the same name), and Tracy. That was a great apartment and I can't think of any real issues we had. It was only for about 6 months, but it was a good six months!

Arlissa, Tracy, and I moved into a house that we watched for the summer. It was sort of odd since the owner lived there off and on during the summer and her daughter, son-in-law, and grandson lived there with us. Some times a little awkward, but mostly a good experience.

Stephanie and I moved into an apartment and searched for another roommate or two. Arlissa moved back in with us for a little while, then Angelica. Angelica spoke Spanish as her primary language (and very good English) and was a DJ on a Spanish radio station. One night she called and told us to listen to the radio. She called out her roomo-matos. I felt famous.

Stephanie moved out after graduating and Lucero moved in. She also was a fluent Spanish-speaker (and not-so-great English-speaker) and I found out after she lived there for awhile that she was in the US illegally. I'll have to tell you the story about my brush with the border patrol while we were roommates another time.

A few months later, I moved in with Arlissa at her grandparents' home. She lived with her younger brother, Clar. So I had my first boy roommate. He worked construction and was gone or asleep whenever I was home, so it was almost like he wasn't there.

Arlissa and I moved into an apartment and it was only us for several months. We met a girl Carey at church and invited her to move in with us the same day. She moved in probably two days later.

About a year later, Arlissa moved out of state and Carey and I moved in with Ruth (my birthday twin--just five years younger). She bought a condo and we decorated like crazy. Painted, wallpapered, re-upholstered.

Ruth decided to sell a couple of years later and I became roommate-free for the first time in SEVERAL years. It was great for the eighteen months it lasted, but I was happy to find my next roommate.

I bought a house and decided to get a roommate to help share expenses and all my extra room! Stacey moved in and we had a good time. I think I wasn't quite ready for a roommate, so it didn't last long. But Kira moved in and stayed for a little more than two years. Maybe partly because for half of that time, she traveled for work and was out of state. :)

Kira moved out just before I married Darrell, who has been my favorite roommate. I think he's a keeper and I plan to never get rid of him.

So, I guess roommate number 39 is a charm!

Editor's Notes: Sister Nielsen's name came to me on my way to work....she is Jody. And my third roommate after my mission was Sherry. I remembered that one on the way home from work. I knew I would remember eventually.

Overheard at the Taco Bell

2010-05-25T22:13:00.000-07:00

Darrell and I decided to go to Taco Bell for dinner tonight (surprise, surprise).

When we arrived at the drive-thru, there were something crazy, like four cars in front of us, and the line was.not.moving.

We decided to dine in. For two reasons: A-It would be a little more romantical; and 2-It had the possibility of being faster.

We park and walk in. Good news for us...only one person in line in front of us. This should be easy.

No.Such.Luck.

The lady in front of us has a huge paper bag--you know, the kind with handles that so many of the mall shops give out when you buy thirteen items.

She is ranting and raving that she went through the drive-thru and lo and behold, the Taco Bell employees got her order wrong. Again.

Now, at this point, I wanted to speak up and give her an "Aye" or "Amen, sister!" since just about every time we go through the Taco Bell drive-thru, we are shorted some item.

But, as I listened closer, she was going off about how she asked for extra sauce packets and she only got 5.

Oh the horror! The outrage!

Yes. She went through the drive-thru, drove all the way home, sat down to eat (apparently after throwing away the bag her food came in), discovered she didn't have an excessive amount of hot sauce, found a bag from a recent-ish shopping trip, climbed in her car, drove BACK to the Taco Bell, got out of the car, and asked for a manager, all so she could complain she didn't have enough hot sauce.

REALLY?

Like you don't have a drawer full of it from any of your previous trips through the drive-thru?

I don't know about you, but I always end up with WAY more sauce than is needed.

So the kind Taco Bell manager explains that if she wants an enormous amount of hot sauce, she needs to ask for more.

To which crazy sauce lady replies, "Just last week we went to McDonald's and got the 50 pack of Chicken McNuggets [which, BTW--I didn't know adults ate those!] and they would only give us 4 packs of sauce." Apparently someone needs a sauce intervention.

The TB manager then apologizes profusely and re-makes her entire order (drink included) and gives her a bag with no-lie 75 sauce packets.

Crazy sauce lady then tells TB manager that she doesn't need that many. She only needs enough for her food that night.

Well, all I'm saying is that maybe if you kept a little extra around the house, you wouldn't have to make a scene at the Taco Bell about not having enough sauce.

Winner, winner! Chicken dinner!

2010-04-28T22:52:00.000-07:00

I'm one of those goof balls who is following a million blogs. Most of which are far superior to my little blog. Some are even written by professional bloggers.

I have this routine every night where I sit down, log into Google Reader (which has saved my HOURS!), and peruse the blogs that I follow.

Some are blogs I love, some are blogs I like a lot, others are blogs I only tolerate because every once in awhile they have something of interest to me, and then there are the ones that are train wrecks--I honestly am repulsed, but can't stop looking.

Well. One of the things I almost always do is enter giveaways. As most of you already know, I'm sorta a sucker for anything free. I think I would take a free ten pounds if someone offered it to me. Come to think of it, I may have already taken a few people up on that offer.

Anywho! I have been the lucky winner of two prizes:
A yard of beautiful fabric from Aunt Spicy (I still have to make something fun with it).
And a cute handkerchief from a long-lost friend Trevlyn.

Well, I got an email today that I won a giveaway from Gabrielle at Design Mom. It's my biggest yet. (Besides the multiple ten pound prizes). I won $50 of merchandise from Cardstore.

I'm so excited.

I feel like I won both showcases on The Price is Right.

Want to know a secret?

2010-04-21T23:33:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy being creative. I don't always succeed, or at least not exactly the way I planned. But most of the time, I enjoy the process. I'm not necessarily the person who can take four pieces of apparent junk and turn it into a masterpiece. Or even the person who can create something from nothing. But I can copy what someone else has done.

Now here is my problem. Every night, around 11:15, I start itching to create.

I HAVE to do something NOW. But, since it's super late, and I should be sleeping, and Darrell is already asleep, and I don't know exactly what I want to do, and even if I knew I probably wouldn't have the supplies, I don't do anything. Which causes me hours of anxiety.

Which is one of the reasons for my insomnia.

Once I start thinking about creating, I can't stop.

So, does anyone have an idea for a quick, quiet, and quite fulfilling project I can do tonight?

I want to get to sleep before 3.

Dear hundred degree plus days,

2010-04-20T03:05:00.001-07:00

Hi. How are you? I haven't seen or really heard from you in about six months. I hope you have enjoyed your vacation.

I know you are due back soon, but really, when your friend ninety-six visited on Sunday, I was reminded that you are here for such a long time.

You see, although you come to visit every year in the mid-Spring, I never have quite prepared sufficiently for your return.

Here is what happens:

After you pack things up here, the cooler air comes to visit. I'm able to go outside and spend some quality and quantity time out with nature. I even can wear my long sleeves without breaking a sweat. This is autumn in the desert.
And then along comes winter. And although some may say that winter never really lives here, it does come for visits. And it even is cold sometimes. And because we have grown so accustomed to your visits, we have a difficult time enjoying and tolerating winter. Jack Frost really is not the most welcome guy in town, except for a few days around Christmas. After Christmas, we are ready to wear our sweaters only as decoration and run the A/C in the car, rather than the heater. People from the North come to visit since it reminds them of their summer and they run around in shorts. We look at them as if they are crazy, since it is cold.
Around mid-January, rainy season starts. We have cold and wet days, that chill us to the bone. We love to make soups and warm breads on these days and cuddle up by our TV. These are the days that we think of you longingly. It's so cold in the buildings at work, the store, the movie theaters, and pretty much everywhere else. It's the one time in the year that going out to the car doesn't warm you up. Some people even wear coats. But since it only lasts a few days and provides us with much of the rain we need, we only gripe a little.
In late February, the warmer days appear, ushering in Spring. Flowers begin to bloom. Trees regain their leaves. It really is a beautiful time. However, the pollen permeates the air. It blankets the out-of-doors and everything in it with a fine yellow dust. Eyes run. Noses sneeze. People both love and hate this time. It is too beautiful outside to stay indoors, but too allergy-rific to stay outdoors.
Then, sometime in April, you start to test us. You send friends--like ninety-six-- to see how well your return will be received. Is it too early? Do we want you as a visitor for a day or two or are we ready to have you move in for the longer haul?

Once you return, I do love you so. You demand that the pollen go on hiatus. You really get things warmed up here. Some days, when it's really cold in my office, I look forward to sitting in my car, with no A/C, just feeling your warmth emanate to my soul.

I especially love seeing the heat waves and mirages you create on the hot asphalt. And it's fun to walk from the cold buildings to the warm car and sink into the asphalt.

Really.

I'm not joking.

And then you heat up the pools just enough that it takes the sting away. And I go for a dip in the water, just to cool off. Yeah...those are good times.

So, and I don't mean to be rude, but if you would like to, you can stay on vacation a while longer.

I am quite enjoying this run of the eighties. And I promise, if you postpone your return, our reunion will be even more joyful than you can imagine.

Warmly,
Stephanie

Guess the name of this post...it's also a David Bowie song

2010-04-16T22:51:00.001-07:00

So...I decided to be a more consistent blogger. And I'm not sure it was so much a conscious decision as much as it was the natural progression of actually thinking of things to write and doing it.

But, I sort of got on a little bit of a roll.

I was posting every couple of days, some posts that were actually pretty good, if I say so myself. (Which I obviously did).

I even had a few moments where I cracked myself up. (Ok. Not so unusual or difficult for me).

But then, suddenly, without much notice (which is a definition of "suddenly"), I got what people "in the business" call "Writer's Block." (Visualize me using those silly, little in-the-air finger quotes while reading that last sentence. I'll wait while you re-read it).

It was horrible. I couldn't think of anything (a) witty; (b) clever; (c) informative; (d) interesting; or (e) write-able.

I was constantly trying to think of something.anything to write.

Oh look! Glee is on! Surely there is something Glee-ish to write about. But no. Although I loved it, there wasn't anything to say about it that wasn't said somewhere else.

Oooh! I went to book club. We talked and gabbed about all sorts of things. Unfortunately, nothing that I could or, better yet, SHOULD write about. I can't even write about the book, since I didn't read it. Shameful, I know! It's on my ever-growing to-do list. That I don't even keep.

I survived the Easter Day earthquake. Survived being a little bit of literary license. It wasn't much of an earthquake here in Arizona. Small enough that there isn't much to post on the blog. I posted on facebook. In fact, I may have broken the news to the world about the earthquake. But still, not enough fodder for the blog.

And so, as you can so easily read for yourself, my life got so boring and mundane that I couldn't even make fun of myself.

I was feeling the pressure. One could even say I was "Under Pressure."

But, I'm hoping I got a little of my "mo-jo" back. Or maybe it was my "groove."

Whatever it was, I hope it's back for good.

PS--If you guessed the name of this post, pat yourself on the back. I would send you a little gift, but I fear by the time I got around to sending it, you will have moved. Thrice.

Things I can't touch

2010-04-15T00:08:00.000-07:00

I know it sound crazy, but there are specific things out there in the world that I cannot touch. If I do, I have to immediately wash my hands. But even then, sometimes no amount of washing will help.

Galvanized steel. For some reason, I hate the way it feels. It gives me the willies. Just thinking about it makes me hurt.

Bugs, reptiles, birds, and rodents. When I was younger (like a week ago even), I couldn't even touch photos of these creatures. In books. Or even drawings.

Items in the garage that have dust on them. One day, while living with my parents, my dad asked me to help him move their pop-up trailer. It was in the garage and had dust all over it. I really wasn't much help and nearly dropped the trailer. I guess that's what happens when you will only touch a hundred-plus pound object with your fingertips.

Coins or keys (for very long). For some reason, when I touch coins or keys for longer than just a few seconds, I can taste them. I am afraid I may have actual taste buds on my fingers. If I experience the contact metal taste, it won't go away for hours.

I'm starting to freak myself out.

I think I need to take a shower.

I found a new hobby....

2010-04-14T23:30:00.003-07:00

Help me now!

Editor comments: I made this myself. If you go to youtube, you can make your own, too.

Signs you may not be the "ideal" homemaker...

2010-04-08T00:07:00.001-07:00

I got the idea from another blog I read. Some of these have a basis in my real life. Others have been inspired from comments my friends have made. Feel free to add your own in the comments...

You have a neat stack (I was going to say neat little stack, but it's no longer "little") of dishes waiting to go in the dish washer. You are just too lazy to empty the clean dish washer and put in the dirty dishes. By the time you put away the "cleans," you have enough "dirties" to run the dish washer and start a new neat stack.
Even though you know how, and have all supplies necessary, instead of putting seven quick stitches in the hem of your pants to mend them, you iron the hem with stitch witchery every time you wear them. It ends up taking much longer since you have to do this about once a week for five months. Plus, when you add the time it took to drive to the store, buy the stitch witchery, and drive home (don't forget the cost of the things you "picked up since you were at the fabric store anyway," the new shoes from the store next door, and the cool treat from the DQ), you SO could have done all the mending in the pile or paid someone else to do it.
If you keep the vacuum out long enough, someone else will vacuum for you.
You find out that the weeds that looked so ugly three weeks ago (and were on your to-do list to be killed) flower if left alone long enough. They actually look a little bit pretty. And maybe, if you are really lucky, one of the neighbor kids will think so too, and pick them for his or her mom. Another thing crossed of the to-do list.
You don't have dust bunnies anymore. And it's not because you are efficient or cleaned. They have turned into dust elephants.
The stack of magazines that started out as three, decorating a plant stand, is now closer to fifty-four that became your fifth grader's science project experiment. To disprove gravitational forces in his house.
You stop yelling at your kids to keep their hands off the walls. Rather, you yell at them to keep running up and down the hall, flailing their filthy hands all over the walls. It's cheaper than faux-finishing and if it looks good enough, you may be able to open your own business. Now you just need to invite over the high school basketball team to get the hard-to-reach areas near the ceiling.
You spend hours on the phone with the bank. You don't need anything from the bank. You just enjoy the "grown-up" conversation with the automated system.
You have so many "safe" places to store your important documents that you can't remember what stuff is in which "safe" place. You find the thank you notes you wrote for your wedding six years ago while looking for your bank statements (see number 17). You consider mailing them and hope no one realizes how long you've been married. Then you realize they may get suspicious since you have two and one-thirds children.
You run to the store, just before going to bed, after seeing you are out of milk. Sixty-two dollars later, you put the groceries away and go to bed. You wake up thirty minutes early to sneak to the grocery store to get the milk you forgot to buy last night.
You plan for eight months the treat you are going to make for your annual turn to host bookclub. You make funnel cakes to order, from scratch, for each guest. You have several homemade topping options available. You have an equally delicious "gluten-free" alternative that is a hit with everyone. You bought new dishes, cloth napkins, and fancy glasses to serve your guests. All for one evening with friends. The 364 remaining evenings, you make chicken nuggets and tater tots and tell your family to "make do" with paper plates, sporks, and box juices.
You love to decorate for the holidays. You just hate un-decorating when each holiday is over. You solve this dilemma by designating each room in the house with its own holiday. That way you only decorate once and leave it "as-is" year-round. If anyone complains, you counter with, "Have you always hated fill-in-the-blank holiday?"
Your first child's every movement was documented in photo and video. Your second child had the "big" moments documented. You felt a little guilty. So you installed security cameras in every room of the house and each car. Now EVERY moment for EVERY child will be documented.
You decided to de-clutter. It becomes so overwhelming you think your husband may come home to a wife, chanting like Jodie Foster in Nell. You decided that anything that didn't move was going in the trash. Unfortunately, you won the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes, but hadn't cashed the check. Wouldn't you know it...that giant check wasn't moving when you got that crazy de-clutter bug.
You go to the Wal-mart for some peace and quiet. The day the welfare recipients get their government checks.
It's been so long since you cleaned your closet, you no longer need to buy hangers. The closet is just so full that if you can wedge that new shirt in there, it will hang rather nicely. Further proof of number 6.
You decide to FINALLY balance your checkbook. You pull out the statements (yes, it's plural--like I said, it's been awhile) and the registers. You decide a handheld calculator isn't going to cut it and pull out the big one with the receipt tape. After awhile, you resort to an excel spreadsheet. After spending countless hours and pulling out more hair than you knew you had, you discover that the babysitter that PROMISED to cash the check you gave her when you forgot to get cash, never did. Two and a half years ago. And that is why you can't balance your checkbook. You almost call her to see if she intends to cash it, but decide since she move to another CONTINENT, that she won't. The check shows up on your next statement, but you won't find out about it for another three years, which turns out to be the next time you balance your checkbook.
You wait until the day after any holiday to buy candy. Valentine's Day, Easter, Halloween. You get it for 50% or more off. You tell your kids that Cupid, the Easter Bunny, the Great Pumpkin--whoever--had too many houses to go to ON the holiday and you agreed to let him or her to come later.

Raindrops on roses....

2010-04-05T01:37:00.000-07:00

Do you have favorite things that nothing in the world can replace?

I most definitely do.

For years, I would only eat Yoplait Custard Style Key Lime Pie yogurt. There was no alternative. Now, however, it is Fage Greek Style Plain yogurt, with sugar. I'm thinking of branching out and trying the yogurt and honey thing. I get it at the Costco. One liter container for $6.50. Seriously good eats!

Another fave, which is relatively new, is my mascara. It's Loreal's Double Extend Beauty Tubes. You apply a white (which, I have to tell you, looks a little freaky) layer followed by a black layer. It never smears, smudges, flakes, or runs. It isn't waterproof, but it is. It's kind of weird, but I l.o.v.e. it!

I love Safeway. Not necessarily because I think their prices, selection, layout, or associates are outstanding. But because they are closest to me and I am used to the store. I do, however, really like many of their healthy house-brand items.

I could live on Fiber One bars. The chocolate ones. The ones that literally taste like a candy bar. That are healthy for you.

TV. All sorts. Too much.

Napster. I pay $15 a month for unlimited downloads. I have amassed quite the collection. Like so many that I can't access my library remotely. I didn't need a home equity loan for it. (Good thing I didn't, since there isn't much equity left in homes around here.).

Target. Do I really have to say more?

America's Test Kitchen, Cook's Country, and Cooks Illustrated. I love the tests they do (and report about) to make a great recipe better. I don't always agree and sometime get grossed out (using a hard-boiled egg instead of a regular egg in a cookie recipe makes me want to upchuck), but I am always intrigued.

My DVR. (See TV, above).

Loreal Endless lipstick. The stuff stays on for HOURS and isn't dry or stain-ish. I have almost every shade.

Gel Roller Ball pens. Almost any brand. In almost any color. I love that they are smooth and dry so quickly. And no smears.

Ikea. I get in a mood every few months to go. I want to buy everything. I think it will make me organized. I end up buying something small-ish that doesn't help with the organization.

My cute niece Malena. She cracks me up, even though I rarely understand what she says. It really is difficult to understand kids on the phone. I just end up saying wow and really a lot. With enthusiasm. Poor girl is going to grow up thinking people are so excited about the most mundane things. It may be a real letdown.

Costco. Darrell and I go probably every 10 days. He would go more often, but we have a "No Saturday" rule. And I get home too late most nights. But we love it. We are those crazy people who can go in and leave with only $20 of stuff. We do a lot of window shopping, too. It's a great date night.

Hawaii. Now that is a great date night! I've only been once, for our honeymoon, but I loved being there. I couldn't live there...I think I would get really freaked out being so far from the mainland...but a couple of weeks would be perfect.

King sized beds. With super soft mattresses. One day, I will own one. For now, it will be a hotel luxury.

Games. Board games. Word games. Trivia games. I like them all. I really like them when I win.

Cars with gadgets. I almost bought a car just because it had 47 gadgets. A hook to hang grocery bags. And a fancy non-key ignition. Those are always good reasons to spend thirty grand.

Chocolate. Dark Chocolate. I have some amazing dark chocolate with sea salt. Oh.my.gosh. It is delish. Excuse me while I eat some. Yep, still as good as I remembered.

And Darrell. He's my favorite thing. Even more than Chocolate. And ice cream combined. It reminds me of this song, which I love:

Easter traditions

2010-04-01T21:58:00.000-07:00

Since Easter is fast approaching, I thought I would share some of the Easter traditions that I grew up with and some that I have now.

At some point in my childhood, the Easter bunny started visiting our house on Saturdays. My parents decided that it would be a good way to help us concentrate on the real meaning of Easter on Sunday if we weren't hyped up on sugar and talking Easter bunny stories all day.

In my family, the Easter bunny brought candy, not eggs. We left our Easter baskets out on the dining room table on Friday night and woke up to find a chocolate rabbit and a Reese's peanut butter egg in it. (I can't believe how many people I've talked to recently who have never had the Reese's egg!). We would then take our baskets and search the living room, family room, and dining room for more candy hidden throughout. My mom, who, to her credit, was very intent on ensuring fairness in all things, hid the candy in groups of five. When one of us would find some candy, we would call everyone else over and share. One for Stephanie, one for Jennilyn, one for Todd, one for Julie, and one for Emily. Eventually it got easier to just walk around together. And, for the most part, we were honest and didn't ever just put the candy in our basket without letting everyone else know.

When I was young, the candy was always jelly beans. Then, as we got older, my mom added in peanut M&Ms (although in the 80s, the M&Ms were regular colored M&MS--they hadn't figured out they could sell more if they colored them based on the season or holiday). This presented problems. My brother did not like jelly beans. At. All. One year, the year my dad decided our Easter candy hunt would be good viewing years later, we all fought mercilessly with Todd because he did not want to share the M&Ms he found since he did not want to receive any jelly beans. Things escalated out of control until almost everyone was in tears and we may have even been forced to give up some of our candy as punishment. I was fifteen and I'm sure behaved like a perfect little lady. (I think I was a main instigator, actually).

Since then, the Easter bunny only brings M&Ms.

We also colored Easter eggs. We did all sorts of methods. Used the Paas brand dye to make beautifully colored pastel eggs. Used an oily dye that made the eggs look tie-dyed. (I remember dipping my index finger in the dye and discovering that the oily dye was extremely difficult to remove from fingers.) I'm sure there were other methods, but I can't remember them right now. What I do know is that not enough people in my family enjoyed hard-boiled eggs. I also think my mom did not particularly care to boil eggs all day. So we dyed fresh eggs and used them for the next month when we made cakes, cookies, pancakes, and the like. A few times I remember using eggs that we had blown out the insides. Those were mainly used to hang on our Easter tree--basically branches from which eggs hung.

We got new Easter outfits. Usually made by my mom. Poor lady. I don't think she got to sleep at all the night before Easter. My sister Jennilyn and I would get almost matching dresses. Because of this, people would often mistake us for twins. I'm not sure why, since we didn't look THAT much like each other. But then you hear the stories of the people who, upon seeing a little baby girl, wearing a pink dress, with a giant bow on her head, and a neon sign that reads, "I'm a girl!" ask the mother, "So what is your little boy's name?"

I was about 31 when my mom told me I could no longer expect to receive an Easter basket. Apparently she has a rule that when you own your own home, you can buy your own Easter basket. As if!

So, now it's up to me to carry on some Easter traditions.

Since I don't have kids, the Easter bunny has asked me to allow him or her to forego my house on the route. You know, to conserve time. I have obliged.

I don't dye eggs because I don't use them often enough to warrant dying them. I always am sad that I can't buy the five dozen for $3 and save them for later use. I probably would, but Darrell would have an aneurysm and I am doing my best to prevent that.

I don't make my own Easter outfit and actually rarely buy a new one. I try to wear something that I haven't worn in a long time. It's sort of my cue to bring out the summer church clothes. The weather is usually warm enough that the A/C that is blasted doesn't cause frostbite.

Darrell and I buy a spiral-cut ham at Costco and make other yummy food. We vow every year that we will eat the whole ham without letting of it go to waste (not all in one sitting, though). This year may be our lucky year. Darrell's dad will be joining us, so he can take some of it home with him. Yea!

I still love the Reese's peanut butter eggs. I decided to wait until Monday and buy them at 90% off. A deal is so much more important to me than having them on Easter. (90% off is just a few cents away from free, and we all know how much I love free!).

As a last story about Easter traditions, a few years ago I was eating Easter dinner at my mom and dad's house. My sister Julie invited a friend over to join us. My mom asked about some of her family's traditions and she told us this:

Her family lived quite a few miles away from their church building, so it was quite a trip. I think since it was so far, the ward decided to host an Easter egg hunt after church. She and her brothers and sisters would find tons of hard-boiled eggs and put them in their baskets. They gorged on candy on their way home from church. Since the ride was so long, the eggs would go bad before they could make it home. So, their parents told them they could throw them out the windows at objects for entertainment. It killed two birds with one stone: The parents didn't have to get rid of the eggs and the kids were occupied and not fighting one Sunday a year. Sounds win-win to me!

Share some of your family's traditions in the comments.

I hope you have a wonderful Easter. Here's a little reminder of why we celebrate:

I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth

2010-03-31T00:33:00.000-07:00

I read a lot of blogs. Of all the blogs I read, I know less than half of the people in real life. And I think that is a problem.

I don't think I would actually like most of the people in real life.

But I am addicted to reading their blogs.

Is it just me, or do most people make you want to throw up? At least just a little.

Tonight, the thing that turned me off was a blogger who is a self-confessed tight-wad. She has had window treatments in her living room that she does not like for the past three years because she hasn't found the "perfect" window treatments at Anthropologie. But never fear...she broke down in a fit of desperation and bought a shower curtain at (does she dare say the word?) Target (I can only assume in her head it was Tarjay) and re-worked it to Anthro-it-up.

Gag! Excuse me while I swallow.

First of all, I have only been to Anthropologie once, and it was more than enough. I find the store to be pretentious and way over-priced. And it pretends to sell "one-of-a-kind" items. But if they have more than one of any item, how can it really be unique? And if it is mass produced...well, just think about it. Since EVERYBODY loves the place so much, don't you think you'll all start having houses that look identical? It reminds me of Pottery Barn ten years ago. And Phoebe on Friends and her hatred of the barn.

Everyone in blog-ville raves about Anthropologie's great prices--"Oh, I just bought the perfect shirt at Anthro! And it was only $53!" Or "Can you believe that I only paid $362 for this 8 x 10 (inch--not foot) mirror?" Ack! Come on! I guess I am a true tight-wad since those prices will never be in my radar.

Their stuff is so ridiculous, I can barely keep the laughter from bursting out.

Here is a pared-down fixture crafted of warm copper; its timeless silhouette will earn a lush patina with age.

Professional hardwiring required
Copper
60 watt max
56" cord
1.5"H, 5.25" diameter
Imported

Edison bulb sold separately

If I am going to spend $98 on what is really a lamp kit that can be purchased at Lowe's for $9.96, it better come with the light bulb. But since it's Anthro and doesn't, the bulb will set you back (oh.my.hell!) $18. And don't ask me how much a professional hardwire job will set you back.

Next up is the Farmer's Egg Crate

Store a dozen fresh eggs in an eye-catching - and reusable - stoneware crate.

Stoneware
Dishwasher safe
5.5"L, 7.5"W
Imported"

Seriously? We can't leave our eggs in the cardboard crate they come in at the store? Oh, you mean to tell me this was created especially for the people out there that have their own laying chickens? You mean to tell me no one before Anthro thought of something to put their eggs in? Like a basket?

It's good to know that this next items was found in the "Extras" section, rather than the "Essentials." It totally makes me feel better. 'Cause I think I almost blew a gasket when I saw it.

Yes, you are looking at PAPER straws. A set of sippers from Jack & Lulu, crafted of chlorine-free, biodegradable and compostable paper. Oh, I'm sorry...they aren't straws, they are SIPPERS. Straws are so last year! The good news is they are imported (so none of our un-employed brothers and sisters had to work to support your frivolous lifestyle) and biodegradable. Hopefully they wait to degrade until you are done using the sipper. Drink fast my friend, drink fast. But not too fast! You get 20 sippers for $10--that's fifty cents a sipper. You can get 100 straws (and a dispenser) for $4 at Target. I know. It's so ghetto, though!

And if you are in the mood for some clothing and accessories, the good news is that you can also Anthro those. I just saw that you can buy a headband, with two raffia flowers (you know, straw--the kind that grows and cows eat?) for only $88.

I think my entire summer wardrobe cost me $88.

I've had it.

I truly can't wait for the Anthro-craze to be done.

Almost as much as I want the Cafe Rio salad freak-out bloggers have to pass.

Letters from home....

2010-03-30T00:33:00.000-07:00

When I was on my mission, I always loved getting letters from home. For two reasons.
First, it was nice to have letters and feel loved by my family.
Second, my family is crazy and they all write pretty much anything.
I thought I would start a new series to showcase the writing talent in my family.

The first letter highlighted is from my brother Todd. He was 17 when he wrote this letter:

Dear Stephanie,
Mom is making me write this because she wants to make it look like I care. I'm writing on the cover sheet of the note book paper so I don't actually waste paper. Emily is grumpy and pretending to be in a coma (ignoring us). Did you hear about Regis? Probably not. He had a nervous breakdown on the air Wednesday. Ugly sight. Started hitting Kathie Lee, but little did he realize Kathie Lee was taking self-defense Ninjitsu class-yep beat him straight into Fair condition. {musical notes drawn here} Be a drug user-and a drug abuser. {musical notes drawn here, too} Speaking of drugs Emily's pot use did escalate to crack & heroin like I told her. But did she listen-no. What kind of noise annoys an oyster? (Say it aloud) A noisy noise annoys an oyster. Did you know if you dug a hole straight through the center of the Earth and each opening was at the same elevation you could jump in and come up at the other end like an elevator because the speed you gained going down ya'd lose coming up. True science fact.
YOU'RE GONNA BURN
Gonna burn-in the Disco Inferno!
Today Mom & I were going to Mark Peterson's baptism and were stopped at B'way and Pantano. In the station wagon ahead of us were two small children facing us, one boy and one girl (with three eyes)! So I started making faces at them and they began to laugh. Then they started telling everyone else in the car that a crazy boy was making faces at them. Then I noticed the boy was wearing a white shirt and tie. I said, "I bet they're going to the baptism." So we followed them there. We park in an area of a closer vicinity to the door and got to the baptismal area first. W had been sitting in our seats for approximately 2 minutes when the children previously mentioned walked in and it was the Gibsons. Ha ha. Well, I have to go. Maybe (if Mom makes me) I'll write again

He did not sign it (or even punctuate the last sentences).

I remember laughing and laughing. Even today, it cracks me up. Quite the stream of consciousness Todd has!

I'm a sucker for free stuff

2010-03-27T01:03:00.006-07:00

Back in the day, when I had business cards, I carried them all the time. Just so I could put them in the gigantic fish bowl to win a free lunch at the sandwich shop to which I had a frequent eater card, which entitled me to a free 3-inch standard sandwich after eating fifty-seven 6-inch premium sandwiches.

So, needless to say, I have registered on more websites to receive daily email updates about offers that I will never really be interested in.

In my inbox right now, I find emails from:

Bob's Red Mill
Costco
Papa John's
Napster
Pillsbury
Very Best Baking (Nestle)
Overstock
salemail (that tells me who is having sales where)
wishpot
Discovery Health
Dove
World Market
Lunch Club
Hungry Girl

And that's just from today.

So, when I received an email from some company advertising their latest and greatest product, and offering a free sample in the mail, I jumped. High.

That was about six weeks ago.

I had almost forgotten about my request, when I got the mail a couple of days ago. But there, in the mail was my free sample of:

Purex Complete 3-in-1 Laundry Sheets

I figured that it behooves me (I have always wanted to say that word, and you don't get the opportunity very often--take advantage when you can) to perform a public service by telling you about my experience.

Maybe we can call this a Consumer Review. Remember, I am sort of being compensated for this review. I received two free sheets and a coupon to save $1 off my next purchase.

The sheets are just about 4x6 (inches, not feet or centimeters) and are pretty thick and heavier than you would think. I guess they have to be, since they contain detergent, fabric softener, and anti-static stuff. They are touted as "powerful" sheets.

They smell like a cross between a dryer sheet and scent-free detergent. (I know it sounds funny that scent-free detergent has a scent, but it does--soap.). I just noticed this is the "Spring Oasis" scented variety.

The directions say to use one for a regular load and two for an extra large load. You put it in the washing machine with your clothes and then transfer it, along with your clothes, to the dryer.

I did a load of dark colored clothes, including jeans. It appears that the clothes got clean. But, really, I think most of the time, with adult clothes, just putting them through a washing cycle with water only, would clean the clothes. I don't typically roll around in the mud.

They don't have static, even the non-natural fibered work out clothes. (Don't laugh...I have work out clothes.). (I just don't use them to work out).

They don't smell particularly "April fresh," but I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing. I probably have enough other scents (soap, shampoo, deodorant, perfume, etc), that I don't need my clothes to have much scent. I would say that the clothes smell clean, but not scented.

So, this is the part that you are all waiting for: Would I buy this product? I would seriously think about it. I think it would depend on the price of this product vs. the price of my current detergent (Costco's unscented liquid) and dryer sheets (whatever is cheapest at the store). I like the idea that I wouldn't be wasting a big plastic container (I do recycle them, though). But, I also don't know what kind of packaging the new product comes in.

In the interest of full disclosure, the real reason behind this posting was purely selfish. I am hoping that marketers pick up my review and contact me to become a professional reviewer. You know, having companies send me things to try out (and keep) to see if their products work in the "real world."

Companies like Mercedes. And British Airways. And the Fiji Chamber of Commerce. And Fulton Homes.

A girl can dream, can't she?

PS-The directions contain a warning label that tells you what to do in case you accidentally swallow the laundry sheet. I think if you could swallow a laundry sheet loaded with enough detergent to clean a whole load of dirty clothes, the glass full of water that is suggested may not do the trick. That would probably only cause the remaining soap to foam in your mouth. Which could result in a series of rabies shots. And a nickname of Old Yeller.

Funny!

2010-03-17T22:06:00.002-07:00

On too many levels!

Stephanie, P.I.

2010-03-15T22:46:00.006-07:00

I like to think that I am a private investigator.

It all started in about 1979. My sister Jennilyn and I played Charlie's Angels. All.The.Time. Especially while roller-skating in the neighborhood. With our steel skates. Ksk ksk ksk ksk.

She was always Kelly (Jaclyn Smith) and I was Chris (Cheryl Ladd). We were on super secret missions. We carried cap guns in our purses. We freaked out every time we went to the airport (probably twice) to pick up my dad from TDY (temporary duty in the Air Force, aka business trips). It was back in the olden days when you could meet your party at the gate, rather than at the not-so-invisible line known as the TSA. Oh, don't be fooled. You still had to go through the metal detector and put your belongings on the scanner. But you could keep your shoes on. In fact, the security officials would have become mighty suspicious if you took your shoes off and put them through the X-ray machine. We freaked out, since we were sure that we had forgotten to remove our guns from our purses. Never mind that most of the time we picked my dad up curbside and didn't get out of the car, much less within eyesight of the dreaded x-ray machine.

Later, I became detective by virtue of watching every episode of Remington Steele. I partially had a crush on Remington and partially wished I was as smart as Laura Holt. And I wanted her white convertible VW rabbit.

I grew up. And got a job in the "real world." No fun investigating for me.

Then along came google. You could google all sorts of things and look really smart. You could easily find out:

Where your long-lost roommate was working (in China as a head-liaison for Chinese-American adoptions).
Where your brother placed in a bicycle race (ok...I used to be able to find this, but can't anymore).
And even that you are listed on the "Missing Graduates" list for your high school (Never mind that your parents live in the same house they did when you graduated).

Next was facebook. I joined in its "infancy." I had about eight friends, mostly members of my family and friends of theirs I had met, for about a year. No one I knew wanted to be on facebook. It was talked about in the same hushed breaths as myspace. Little by little, friends I knew in town joined. Then friends I hadn't seen in years. Then friends I hadn't seen in decades. I "spied" on people--you know you do it too! I would check their photos, boxes, notes, info, and profiles to see what had become of them. I loved it when I found someone that I didn't really want to re-connect with, but who had a very public profile. So I could be incognito in my spying. Or when one of my friends was friends with them and commented on a photo, so I could then see the photos. Yeah. I guess I am a little bit stalker-ish.

One of the clinchers in my quest to be a private detective was when I got my current job. I am a consultant with a company that contracts with insurance companies to complete forensic audits of (mostly) mortgage loan applications. I basically go through the documents in the loan files to ensure that they are authentic, unaltered, and accurate. I use the skills I have honed for the last thirty-one years.

So, when one of my favorite bloggers was in need and called out to the blogging community for help, I knew I was the right one for the job. Long-ish story short-ish. She had gone to London for work, pleasure, a little of both, and had visited (shopped at) Harrod's. She went to the loo (you know, the Ladies' room) and found that the fancy water closets throughout Europe have collections of perfume that would rival the longest perfume counters in the US available for your pleasure. She found a perfume that smelled divine and misted herself with it. She loved the scent, but could not remember for the life of her the name of it. Shortly after leaving the store, she was in a nearby garden and her friend told her the perfume with which she was mesmerized smelled just like the flower they walked past. But they did not know the name of the flower. She took a picture of the flower to investigate further.

This is where I come in.

I read her blog with the above story and immediately went to work. I, being extremely bad with identifying flora (and fauna--which is which?), guessed that it looked like a peony since I do know they are similar-ish to a full and open rose found in old lady gardens. I googled peonies and the flower does, in fact, look a little like the flower on her blog.

Next I googled "perfumes that smell like peonies" and the top hit was Flora by Gucci. Clearly, this was too easy to be correct. But I decided that sometimes the most obvious answer is the correct one (Like, am I beautiful? Yes. Well, that happens to be true!).

I went to Harrod's website (it's almost like taking a trip to London for free) and clicked on their "Beauty" tab. Lo and behold, Flora by Gucci was the perfume featured on the "Beauty" tab. Coincidence? I think not!

I left a comment on Aunt Spicy's posting and kept my fingers crossed.

Well, about four months later, she was flipping through a magazine and flipped right past the perfume ads. What was that? The part of her brain that is responsible for putting shapes of bottles together with light scents was sparked. She flipped back and thought it may just be what she was looking for. And what was it?

Flora by Gucci.

Mystery solved. She emailed me and told me she would make me something for my "trouble." Sort of a finder's fee. Well, I am on cloud nine! I love everything she makes (or at least everything that she has featured on her blog). I have friends who will be jealous since I know they read her blog too. And I think this makes me a professional private detective.

Thanks, Aunt Spicy!

PS-My cell phone ring tone is the theme from Charlie's Angels. I think of it as the theme song of my life.