Thursday, June 3, 2010

Jagged little pills

Well, let's all thank my mom for reminding me of two wonderful stories from my childhood.

The first is from when I was about six years old.  My mom was introduced to the wonderful world of Shaklee.  For those who are unfamiliar with Shaklee, it is similar-ish to Amway.  Just not so pyramid-ish and more based on vitamins rather than cleaning supplies.  Although they do sell cleaning supplies.

My mom decided to buy vitamins and get us all healthier.  But, this was the 1970s, when salaries were much lower and my mom was frugal.  She could either buy the adult vitamins or the children vitamins.  She opted for the adult vitamins.

The adult vitamins were rather large and covered in a dark green coating.  Similar to an M&M.  Have you smelled an adult vitamin recently?  Not good.

Since I was only six and my sister was only four, we had not yet mastered swallowing pills whole.

My mom gave us each a pill and told us if we chewed it quickly, it would be gone before we knew it.

Do you remember when you were a little kid and were given something to eat that you didn't like?  Did you chew and swallow it quickly?  If you did, you were smarter than I was.

I remember chewing slowly.  I remember chewing slowly with a horrified look on my face.  I remember chewing so slowly, extra saliva formed.  I remember chewing so slowly, with so much extra saliva, that I drooled excessively.  (I most certainly had no intention of swallowing that nasty tasting saliva.)  Dark green drool.  I'm sure I looked quite similar to a vampire.  A vampire that sucked green blood.

I think my mom must have figured out the error of her ways when both Jennilyn and I were crying, drooling green gunk, and refusing to swallow.  She let us spit out our very expensive vitamins. 

Later that week, we got Flintstones. 

Fast forward a couple of years.  I still had not mastered the art of swallowing pills whole.  Jennilyn had.  However, she also suffered from far more ear infections than I had, so she had more experience.

One day when Jennilyn was suffering from an ear infection and had been prescribed Actifed (a pill the size of half a Tic Tac), my mom decided it was high time I learned to take pills. 

She took one of Jennilyn's pills and told me that I was going to swallow the pill.  I retorted, "But I'm not sick.  I shouldn't take the pill."

My kind mother replied, "It's not a very strong pill.  It won't really do much to you."

And so I learned to swallow pills whole.  My mom does not believe that she would have given me a pill without my truly needing it.  You will see...she will leave a comment to that effect.  But this is a true story.

I only wish she would have taught me two years earlier.


Just Pam said...

NO, NO, NO,NO, NO I never, ever had her practice swallowing pills. Yes, she warned you that I would comment and I am because it is not true. Those of you who know me know that I would never abuse my children like that. NOT EVER!!!!!
Yes, I did make them chew a half of a nasty adult vitamin and I am truly sorry for the nasty experience but I did NOT give her a pill just to practice swallowing.
Stephanie remembers lots of things but with this one her memory collapsed on her!

Ginger said...

Hmmm, you both give strong points. Who to believe? Either way, I have memories of learning how to swallow a pill and they aren't pleasant either. I love the title of this post.

Breanna said...

Quite a funny story, oozing green drool, priceless. :)

My mom did the same thing to me. She did have me chew aspirin once because she said I didn't have to swallow it and that it would dissolve, let's just say that I don't trust my mom and pills anymore.