Dear Charmin,

Did you really think I wouldn't notice that your rolls are smaller?  And I'm paying the same amount?

Dear Monsoon,

Where are you?  I can draw you a map if you need one.

Dear Roly-Poly Bugs,

Please stop coming into my house.  There is no food for you, so you die.  And then I have to clean up after you.  Really...just stay outside.

Dear Vending Machines at Work,

Can you stock something that is pseudo-healthy?  My Cheddar Sun Chips and Peanut Butter M&M lunch yesterday probably were the best choice there and it still couldn't be called a good choice.

Dear Curtains Hanging in the Home Office,

Do you think you can clean yourselves?  I really don't feel like taking you down and driving to the cleaners.  Is it too much to ask for some help around here?

Dear Dairy Queen,

Can you honor my expired BOGO Blizzard coupon?  I totally forgot I had it until 15 minutes after you closed on the day it expired.  You'll have a customer for life.  :)

Dear Bunionette,

Can you go away?  I know that's asking a lot since bunionettes are like kids...once you have them, you have them for life.  But I would really appreciate wearing *cute* shoes rather than *comfortable* shoes every once in a while.

Sincerely,

Stephanie

PS-Roly-Poly Bugs, if you worked out some sort of agreement with Scorpions that you will come into my house instead of them, please know that the welcome mat is out.  You are much better house guests.